Can being a "People Person" be a bad or good thing?
I was FaceTiming a friend about a week ago and we got into a discussion about how we are known as the people who knows and talks to everyone but do not have a core group of friends. My friend proceeded to tell me that she gets lost finding herself and her values as she is a very big social butterfly. Sure, she talks to many people. She is very outgoing and talkative which has led her to have many different social connections, as I am in the same boat.
Into our conversation, she realized that although she does hang out and knows many people, she has trouble figuring out who her true friends are. Which ones are her acquaintances? Which ones can she appropriately use for career connections? Which "friends" are just social media friends? Which friend can she cry to when she needs a helping hand? She feels that she has lost herself and her values being surrounded by a pool of people.
I said to my friend that I do understand what it is like to have numerous connections. I know what it is like to not have your own inner circle. I wrote a previous article about being the girl without the group of friends and I gave my insight about how not having your own "besties" to hang with 24/7 can be a bit depressing at times. You want to have close people to rely on, make fond memories with and just figure out who your tight group is to lean on. However, I also noted that many of these connections that I have developed have helped shape who I am today. I keep in touch with people from when I traveled, worked with and even met through other friends. I keep in touch with people I met on a plane ride, met in class and my neighbors. I keep in touch with my cousins, my old professors and my dance friends.
Not everyone you meet has to necessarily be a close friend and I am certainly not suggesting that you should use people just at your convenience and toss them to the side. But it is not bad to form positive relationships with coworkers and have them help you work towards a career goal. It is not bad to just hang out with dance friends simply at dance events. It is not bad to go to parties and just mingle with those few acquaintances that you enjoy seeing. In my own personal experience though, I do feel that making deeper connections with others outside of where you currently bond with them can be a great thing and even turn into a great friendship. Invite a coworker out to dinner. Invite that dance friend to go swimming in your pool. Invite that acquaintance that you always speak to at parties to a get-together with your other friends. It is certainly not bad to expand connections and make close ties with people (in the appropriate situation of course!)
Bottom line is yes, keeping up with so many people from so many different locations, places and times can be a bit exhausting and even annoying because you feel like you have no sense of belonging. Like I said though, with all of these connections helps build who you are (as cheesy as that sounds) because they shape your experiences. I have had many diverse kinds of people shape my experiences in encouraging ways that I truly appreciate and continue to show my appreciation for them in any ways that I can, which can be by simply keeping in touch with them on a positive note.
To my friend who feels like she has lost herself in all of these connections and from "knowing everyone," you are not alone and having all of these connections are not necessarily bad. They come to show what kind of people you enjoy getting to know and spending your time with. Most importantly, they teach you what kind of person you are. Although you may hit some bumps on the road with some connections, they will shape how you handle them and what you take from them.
Keep being yourself and the people who truly enjoy your presence will stay by your side.
