I want to talk about a very uncomfortable subject with everyone today. It is not going to be the sweetest thing you’ve ever read and you are probably going to feel out of your comfort zone as you read it, but it is something that needs to be spoken about. We need to discuss the fact that according to RAINN.org, one out of every six American woman has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, while one in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. I do acknowledge the fact that men do get sexually assaulted, by both other men and women, but I want to focus on women for right now.

I want to focus on women because I can personally identify with this group of people and because when I was 16, I was raped. I am a part of the one in six statistic. I am one of every six women you meet that has experienced a completed rape in her lifetime. I know who I was before it happened, I know who I was right after it happened and I know who I am now. People change in their lives, but victims of rape especially change.

Let’s talk about who I was before this happened to me. I was fairly innocent and well-behaved. I had one boyfriend before the incident. I was a virgin. I was not the nicest person you’d meet but I wasn’t a bitch. I did have a small sense of entitlement and thought I was owed something from the world. I was not down-to-earth whatsoever. I was annoying and I did not have many close friends. But I was happy. And that is what mattered to me.

Right after the incident happened-- I keep calling it “the incident” because saying “I was raped” is not an easy task-- I was extremely depressed. I did not care about myself and I had lost all self-respect. My innocence was stripped of me without my consent by a man I trusted and I did not know what to do about it. It was definitely hard to cope with and I refused to talk to a professional about it. I thought about it every day and cried on top of that. I tried to sweep it under the rug but I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was hurting. I was constantly negative. I always wondered “why me?” I was not a nice person and I wandered aimlessly through life.

Now, four years later, I am a much different person. It is partially due to maturity, but I know it is also because of what has happened to me. I am a much stronger young woman. I am a lot kinder and appreciative. I am aware that the world does not owe me anything. I know that if you treat others nicely, you are much more at peace with yourself. This brings me happiness. I have a lot more genuine friends. I find the positives in everything life brings. And I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. It was a long, uphill battle to get to this point, but everything from my journey was a lesson. I am still growing, still learning, but I am the best me I can be.

I, just like so many other women that go through being raped, developed post traumatic stress disorder. It still affects me to this day. I refuse to hang out with men that I hardly know alone. I have had one boyfriend since the incident because I do not trust people very easily. I keep my guard up for longer than normal. It’s difficult for me to let people in and get to know me on a deep level. This is something that I am not proud of but it is something that will always be a part of me.

It is so unfortunate that this crime happens to so many people. It is absolutely horrific, but it is reality. As a society, we need to step up and know how to handle these issues when we are faced with them. Right now, our society is pitiful in helping victims of sexual assaults. We need to stop victim blaming. It does not matter what she was wearing. It does not matter how much she had to drink. It does not matter if she is promiscuous or if she has slept with her rapist before or if she’s dating him. Stop putting the blame on the victim. It is not her fault that her rapist is a piece of shit who took an opportunity to feed his ego by doing something to make him feel powerful and in control. So little rape cases are reported-- mine wasn’t-- and it’s no surprise why when cases like Brock Turner’s surface and the judge who told a victim to simply keep her legs shut goes viral. Why on earth would we want to open up and tell a private, painful matter to people that might put the blame on us? Until the small-minded people who think there might be a chance it’s the victim’s fault for what happened to her are able to see that it is never her fault, the way our society sees victims will remain unchanged.

This is a difficult topic that I continue to speak on. I often bring up the fact that I am a survivor myself and I often question if I should. I write a blog on the topic of sexual assault and rape-- if you’re curious, the link to that is www.rapesurviviorsstandtogether.wordpress.com. I will forever have the negative stigma attached to being a victim because I choose to speak out about the issue. I am the girl who cried rape. No, I am not always proud of that but I know that if I can help just one other survivor or if I can change just one person’s viewing on this topic, I am successful. I know I have made positive impacts on people’s lives for sharing my story and for starting these uncomfortable conversations. I am just one person but I want to make a difference.

Now, the change starts with you, the one reading this article. I challenge you to stop victim blaming, if that was ever something you did. I challenge you to be someone that a survivor can come to talk to because they know you will listen and be helpful. I challenge you to start an uncomfortable conversation with someone you know and hear their viewpoints on the situation. Talk about how Brock Turner’s case makes you feel or talk about how someone you know was assaulted and hear their thoughts on it. And lastly, I challenge you to be nice to every person you meet, because we are all fighting different battles. The change starts with us.