I was told this week that I don’t chat, which really isn't a bad thing. It just got me thinking.
If you’re like me, you don’t take part in small talk or beat around the bush with irrelevant and unnecessary conversation. You’re blunt, forward and don’t hesitate to let people know when you feel a certain way. So, if you’re mad at someone, they’ll know, and you’ll make sure of it.
A lot of people would call a girl like that a bitch.
I think it’s easy to misunderstand the difference between being mean and being assertive, especially when it comes to the attitudes of women. Women who stand up for themselves are easily classified as “bitches” when they don’t submit to who or whatever assumes a false right to dominate them, or don’t adhere to the cultural expectations that come with being female. It happens a lot when women have self confidence, whether it be in their looks, their talents or their jobs.
When men are assertive in the work place, they’re good at their jobs. When women are, they’re called sharks, and are branded with undertones of disrespect. Be a shark anyway. Own your success until it’s so obnoxiously obvious that nobody can ignore it.
You can be assertive and still have a kind heart. The difference is that you don’t let your kind heart get thrown on the floor and stomped on. You don't let people mistreat you. You don’t let people blow you off without letting them know what they’re missing out on. It happens to me, just like it happens to everyone. I get put on the back burner, and I get “rain checked” as if hanging out with me is like a dentist appointment that some guy thinks he can miss (accidentally, on purpose) and make up when it’s convenient. ...Nope. If you’re like me, boys think you're crazy or entitled, when in reality you're confident in your value and know you deserve respect. And you're not afraid to let them know. So be crazy and entitled anyway. Let them blow you off until they realize what they’re missing. If they’re smart enough, they’ll realize it, but you’ll know better.
If you're like me, some people probably think you're full of yourself, but they're actually confusing confidence for cockiness. You can own your beauty, in and out, and no one can tell you otherwise. You know you're talented. You know you're smart. I don't see a problem here. If people have a problem with your confidence, they just don't have enough of their own to be secure enough to own their strengths like you own yours, which is not your problem. So be full of yourself, if that's how it's interpreted. Building yourself up is not congruent with tearing other people down.
Let’s face it, if you’re assertive, the reality is that you’re probably intimidating. It’s just the truth. But it’s not a bad thing. I remember the first time someone told me I was intimidating, and it honestly really hurt my feelings (which, yes, I do have). I thought that that meant I was scary and people didn’t want to be around me. But over the years, I’ve actually found that it was quite the opposite.
People were attracted to me because I intimidated them—not necessarily sexually or romantically, but in the sense that they respected me and admired the fact that I got shit done. So own your intimidating factor. In the words of Blair Waldorf, you can’t make people love you, but you can make them fear you. I’m not saying to exploit that fear, but don’t be afraid of what you can do. And don’t accept anything that holds you back from getting stuff done.
Be a shark. Be crazy. Be entitled. Intimidate. Let people think you’re a bitch. But know that as long as you are kind and respectful in the way you rule your world, you’re not a bitch. You’re a respected, powerful, confident goddess. Own it.
