First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you had to go through that. More importantly, I’m sorry to say that you aren’t fully over it, even two years and many lessons later.

You’re not the same person you were before him and it’s sad to say that you never will be that person again. However, over the course of the next two years, you will grow, harden, and then soften again to become the image that resembles what you were before his abuse wrecked everything you had become in those 15 years. We’ve worked hard to become what you are now at 19 and it’s been one heck of a ride.

I promise it gets better.

When he left you twice in the year and a half, the heartbreak was more than you thought you could endure. I know there were many nights you begged God to make it go away, or tried to fill that void by talking to your best friend, reading, spinning with the color guard, or anything to get your mind off the pain and heartache that followed his leaving. Now, looking back, I wish we could have seen that God was listening to you, but He was trying to show you that you didn’t need that boy and you deserved better.

You don’t see it right now, but his abuse is taking your self-image and twisting it into this mangled, torn, unwanted piece of “art”. He’s turning you into a self-hating shell of what you should be. He has you wrapped around his finger and is controlling every move you make. He’s telling you who you can talk to, and you’re letting him; too afraid of losing him to stand up for yourself. You’re letting him tell you that you don’t have what it takes to be a veterinarian because it takes at least 6 years of schooling and it’s one of the most competitive fields out there. You’re letting him make you into what he wants, not what you actually are.

You tell yourself that your parents wouldn’t allow him into their home if they didn’t like him, but this isn’t completely true. Before they met him, when all you did was talk about him and tell them the good that happened, they didn’t mind him. Honestly, the beginning was great. It was the fairy tale love you always wanted and that was what ruined it. Your mom won’t tell you this for another year or so after the final split, but she hated him and the way he spoke to you because it wasn’t the way any man should speak to a woman.

You’ve always loved to sing. From the moment you could talk it was George Strait, Garth Brooks, or your mom’s favorite, Alan Jackson’s “Pop A Top Again”. Your dad would sing with you and singing in the car was always your favorite thing to do, but once that boy told you that your voice was “too country” and from that day forward, you didn’t sing unless no one could hear you. You never noticed the change, but your mom did, the first time you sang in the shower after the split, she cried. Your mother sat in the living room with your dad and cried. The freedom you gained after finally being able to do what you want, talk to whoever you want, and sing when you want, was a joyous freedom.

In the words of Little Big Town, “the greatest thing I ever did was run.” That April afternoon when he tried to tell you that you couldn’t talk to a friend about the stress you were going through because of him, your response was the best thing you’ve ever done. You turned to him and said you didn’t want to be with him anymore. From that moment on, the healing began and we starting working to become what we are today.

There have been some ups and downs, boys after him that tried to do the same thing he did, but you never stood for it for too long, and you took the time to heal and rebuild yourself. Today, the hurt is still there, the damage hasn’t gone away, but it’s more of a lesson than anything else. Every so often you find yourself not singing because you’re worried about how your voice will sound ,but you don’t let it stop you now. Instead, you and your singing partner, loving boyfriend, and best friend laugh through it and continue singing together. You have friends who would tell you if you started going through the same thing you did before, a stronger relationship with your mother, and the lessons to teach your daughter one day about how to recognize the signs of emotional abuse before it becomes permanent damage.

Today, you live with your boyfriend and get to help him raise his wonderful son, you’re in school for veterinary medicine, very happy that your mother didn’t let you change your mind, and all around loving everything about your life. There are day-to-day struggles when it comes to balancing work, school, and personal life, but you make it through unscathed.

Of course, the things that he did to you, the damage he put on your self-image is still there, but that picture you painted of yourself has healed, the scars able to be seen but only to reflect on the lessons they taught you.

Hold out sweet girl, it gets better.