I've Been Ghosting Friends Before Ghosting Was Even A Thing

I've Been Ghosting Friends Before Ghosting Was Even A Thing

Cutting toxic people out of your life is hard but necessary.
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In the short amount of time I've lived on this Earth, I realized that the more friends I had while I was younger the more ghosting I had to do. Call me a coward—because I am—but I'm not at all a confrontational person. Breaking up with your significant other is easier than breaking up with a friend.

What do I even say? "Hey, by the way, I think our friendship doesn't benefit me in any way so I think we should end it now?" "I know we had some good times but I seriously think that you weigh me down as an individual and I think I need to move on from that?" "You're just mean, bye?" How does one make that executive decision to cut off a friend because I thought friends were forever?

Turns out friends aren't forever. The ones that disappear with time are different from the ones that come later and just end up being horrid people. By labeling them as friends it gives off connotations that you have to accept every inch of them; the good, the bad, and the ugly. WHICH IS NOT TRUE. I had such a hard time stopping being friends with people because I thought friends are supposed to be there for you and vice versa. You give them more chances than anyone else.

However, you have to learn how to distinguish the good from the bad friends. The good ones motivate you, support you, and are there for you in times of crisis. The bad ones are usually the ones that weigh you down, put you down, and criticize you in no way beneficial for your growth. I had to learn the hard way and to be honest, there is no other way to learn this valuable lesson.

So I started ghosting my friends even before the dating scene claimed it. I stopped talking to people who made me feel uncomfortable. I stopped talking to those who made me feel not ambitious, worthless, and just downright wasted my time. In the beginning, you feel guilty. But after a while, you will feel like you had made the right decision.

It's the harsh reality all of us will eventually need to face.

Although it sounds like I cut people out of my life all the time, it's really not the case. I really do try to maintain good relationships with all of my friends but it tends to be hard when you have different goals in life.

Ghosting is really not the best way to end a relationship but we all do it anyways. I need to learn how to communicate or just choose better friends.

Please, if anyone has a better option than ghosting, help a girl out!

Cover Image Credit: Nacha Promsatian

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10 Reasons Why My Mom Is My Hero

She's also my best friend.
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My mom is pretty darn special. And I'd be kidding myself to say that I tell her enough how much I appreciate her. There aren't enough breaths in the day to thank her for all that she has done for me, and all that she will do for me. So this is for my momma, these are just a few of the reasons why I think she's pretty great.

1. I can talk to her about anything.

I know for a fact that no matter the issue and no matter the story, my mom will listen to the entire thing with nothing but compassion in her heart. I don't ever need to wonder if she will judge me because I know for a fact that she never will.

2. She gives the best hugs.

I don't care if I saw her yesterday or if I've been away for three months; my mom will always hug me like she hasn't seen me in years, and there isn't a better feeling in the world.

3. I have never met a more selfless person.

She has such a heart for others and I am constantly blown away by her devotion and passion for serving those around her. If I (or anyone else) needs anything, my mom is the first one to jump up, drop everything, and run to help. If I have half as much generosity as my mom someday, I know that I would be making a huge difference.

4. I am inspired by her.

Always.

5. She cares so much for me.

I know that no matter how old I grow to be, and how mature I may become, my mom will always be there for me. She will always be waiting with open arms to either congratulate me or console me. I have never felt more loved by any other human than I do by my mom.

6. She loves me unconditionally.

I will never ever need to worry that she will stop loving me. No matter the circumstances, no matter the phase of life that I'm in, my mom will always be there for me, loving me every step of the way.

7. She is my number one cheerleader.

I don't think I will every meet another person more dedicated to my success and ready to celebrate my accomplishments than my mom. She is hands-down my biggest supporter and will always be standing at the finish line of whatever race I may be running. I could be crawling across that finish line and she'd still be cheering for me the whole way.

8. I can always count on her to point me in the right direction.

My mom will pray for me. She'll encourage me. She will lead by example and through the counseling that she is always ready to provide. I know that I can always count on her to push me in the direction of my dreams.

9. She has the best laugh.

I could pick my mom's laugh out of a crowd of hundreds. Her ability to laugh at herself (and at her own cheesy jokes) are part of what makes her so amazing. But the sound of my mom's laugh has the capability to make anyone's day, including mine.

10. I never stop learning from her.

See points 1-9.


Mom, you are such an amazing woman, and there is simply no way that I could put it into words. So I'll simply say thank you. Thank you for all that you do for me, day-in and day out. Thank you for loving me, and showing me what it means to live like Jesus and everything else that you do. I hope that one day my daughter might love me as much as I love you.

Love,

Me

Cover Image Credit: Ashley Burton

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You Have To Give A Brick To Build Lasting Relationships

Vulnerability is the key to building lasting, impactful relationships.

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Guys build relationships through shoulder-to-shoulder interactions. These interactions include: playing sports together, watching sports together, or getting drinks at a bar together.

Girls are the opposite. Girls build relationships through face to face interactions and by being vulnerable with one another. Shared experiences and talking about things we have done and been through is what brings us closer together.

This process of being vulnerable and sharing stories about our experiences is what is referred to as "giving bricks."

During sorority recruitment work week, we had an amazing public speaker who came to talk to us about the relationship between sorority women and potential new members, and how to quickly and effectively build a good rapport.

Throughout her speech, so many new concepts and analogies unfolded before my eyes that ended up leaving a huge impact on me. Namely, her concept of "giving bricks." The topic of conversation began with how to break beneath the surface level with a person you have just met and dig deeper. During sorority recruitment, it is important to get to know who a girl is deep down, beyond what her major is and where she is from. Small talk is friendly, sure. However, small talk does not enable you to fully understand and capture who a person truly is.

Imagine a tall brick wall. Reach up as high as you can and pick off a brick from the very top. Now give it to someone you just met. Just like in Jenga, taking a block from the top essentially does nothing and will not cause your tower to come crashing to the floor. In relationship building, if you share a very small, surface level piece of information with somebody, it will not negatively affect your relationship with that person but it won't make it better either. Handing over a brick from the top of your wall is not the way to dig deep and find out who somebody is.

Now imagine yourself taking a brick from the center of your wall. It's a little tougher to access and takes some effort to remove it, but again, it will not send your wall toppling to the ground. Sharing something personal with another person will actually encourage them to do the same with you. If you give someone a brick from the middle, they likely will give you one from the middle of their wall too because you just opened up a conversation. You are inviting them to dive below the surface level and your vulnerability will give them the confidence to share something a little more personal with you. Not harmful, not too invasive, but just enough to catch a glimpse at their character and what they are interested in or what is important to them.

Finally, try taking a brick from the very base of your wall. It is taxing. It is hardest to access, and it made the rest of your structure shake and teeter a bit. Selecting a brick from the most important part of your wall is the hardest grab thus far. It literally is the foundation of the rest of your wall. You are the wall. Digging deep, getting vulnerable, and sharing personal information about what we value and fear most, trust and steer clear of most is what will build the most authentic, genuine relationship. It is the most vulnerable you can be with another person.

If you decide to give a brick from the bottom of your wall to another person, they will crouch down and pick up a brick straight from their foundation too and hand it straight over. Giving a brick from the base is equivalent to building a strong, lasting relationship with another person. It is something intimate and deep you get to experience together. Your closest friends are the people you share the most bricks with, and the people you call acquaintances only get the bricks from the tippy top.

Whether you chose to give a brick from the top, middle, or base to hand over to someone will determine how close you are willing to get to them. If your goal is to get to know them, you have to share something about yourself.

What is important to you? What motivates you in life? What are the things that make up YOUR foundation?

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