I've Been Ghosting Friends Before Ghosting Was Even A Thing

I've Been Ghosting Friends Before Ghosting Was Even A Thing

Cutting toxic people out of your life is hard but necessary.
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In the short amount of time I've lived on this Earth, I realized that the more friends I had while I was younger the more ghosting I had to do. Call me a coward—because I am—but I'm not at all a confrontational person. Breaking up with your significant other is easier than breaking up with a friend.

What do I even say? "Hey, by the way, I think our friendship doesn't benefit me in any way so I think we should end it now?" "I know we had some good times but I seriously think that you weigh me down as an individual and I think I need to move on from that?" "You're just mean, bye?" How does one make that executive decision to cut off a friend because I thought friends were forever?

Turns out friends aren't forever. The ones that disappear with time are different from the ones that come later and just end up being horrid people. By labeling them as friends it gives off connotations that you have to accept every inch of them; the good, the bad, and the ugly. WHICH IS NOT TRUE. I had such a hard time stopping being friends with people because I thought friends are supposed to be there for you and vice versa. You give them more chances than anyone else.

However, you have to learn how to distinguish the good from the bad friends. The good ones motivate you, support you, and are there for you in times of crisis. The bad ones are usually the ones that weigh you down, put you down, and criticize you in no way beneficial for your growth. I had to learn the hard way and to be honest, there is no other way to learn this valuable lesson.

So I started ghosting my friends even before the dating scene claimed it. I stopped talking to people who made me feel uncomfortable. I stopped talking to those who made me feel not ambitious, worthless, and just downright wasted my time. In the beginning, you feel guilty. But after a while, you will feel like you had made the right decision.

It's the harsh reality all of us will eventually need to face.

Although it sounds like I cut people out of my life all the time, it's really not the case. I really do try to maintain good relationships with all of my friends but it tends to be hard when you have different goals in life.

Ghosting is really not the best way to end a relationship but we all do it anyways. I need to learn how to communicate or just choose better friends.

Please, if anyone has a better option than ghosting, help a girl out!

Cover Image Credit: Nacha Promsatian

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8 Things I Have Not Thanked My Best Friend Forever For In, Well, Forever

Thank you for always being the best.
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1. Being there through it all, even if you're not "physically" there

We can't always be together, but you have never completely "left" me behind and have been there with me through thick and thin and I am so grateful.

2. Being my biggest cheerleader

Thank you for not only being there through the bad, but also celebrating my victories with me. I can always look forward to telling you good news because I know you'll be happy right along with me.

3. Answering my "important" phone calls

Whether it's a "he texted me back!!!" phone call, or an "I found a gray hair, please help!!" phone call, you pick up the phone and hype up with me no matter what.

4. Being selfless, and going above & beyond to make sure I know I'm worthy

This explains itself and I am so grateful for that.

5. Brushing my hair when I don't feel like it

Okay, this probably sounds silly... But it's the greatest struggle to brush my hair and I'm glad you do it for me sometimes!

6. For being there through all of my mini-crises

You already know what I'm talking about here...

7. For talking me out of things

If it wasn't for you talking me out of things, I'd probably have quit my job, be dating a horrible guy, got my eyebrow pierced, etc.

8. Making me a part of your family

I'm too lucky to have you all as my second family.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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To My Proud LGBT+ Friends Who Helped Me Find My Voice

You helped me find myself, and be proud of what I found.

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Something I've always found funny as an LGBT+ person is the trope of the "token gay person" in media. For those unfamiliar, in TV shows, books, or movies that have representation, there's a group of heterosexual, cisgender friends and within them, there is one (1) homosexual or one (1) trans person. And honestly, I find this laughable. As an LGBT+ person, I can tell you that we rarely travel alone. Personally, my friend group in college does not contain a single heterosexual, heteroromantic, cisgendered person. The group consists of a bisexual woman, a pansexual woman, a pansexual trans man, and a trans man who doesn't label his sexual orientation. Then there's me, an asexual, panromantic woman. Like finds like. LGBT+ finds LGBT+.

And really? I wouldn't have it any other way.

When I got to college, I was still mostly in the closet. I could count the number of people I'd come out to on my fingers. Most people considered me allosexual at least, and the vast majority of my graduating class and even some of my friends thought I was heterosexual. I definitely wasn't the token gay person, there were a couple of non-cis or non-straight people in my friend groups, but they were either closeted or shy about their identities. I grew up in a conservative city in Idaho; I can't blame them. But when I moved to Missoula, I found not only LGBT+ people, but LGBT+ people who were brave enough to be openly LGBT+. My female friends talked about girls they liked without furtive glances or fear. My trans friends gave me a name to use for them and I used it, and that was that.

For once in my life, I didn't have to be shy about being LGBT+.

When I talked about the girl across my hall who had the kindest smile and who was so caring to me when I came out as asexual to my floor, who I had a little bit of a crush on, their reaction was gentle teasing instead of shock that it was a girl I liked. When they mentioned sex drive and I couldn't relate because I was ace, they didn't think I was broken or discount my experiences. They accepted it, moved on.

And most importantly, they loved me for it, not in spite of it.

One friend told me I was a badass bitch and that I'd find someone who loved me for me, and that even if I didn't find romantic love that she'd be there for me. Another sat there and listened to me talk about being ace, made ace jokes with me and talked about how I belonged. Yet another friend sent me an ace pride pin in the mail because he wanted me to feel accepted and loved in a community that often didn't give me those things. And my longest-standing friend in college has sent me ace positivity posts, listened to me talk about all the difficulties being ace brings, and reminded me that I'm valid through even my darkest times.

And most importantly, they've shown me through their experiences and their confidence, that I'm not alone, that I have a place in the LGBT+ community.

These wonderful people have helped me grow into a confident human who knows just who she is and who is growing to speak out about it. They've helped me be a person who will use my voice for good. They've helped me recognize my privileges and use them to help those who don't have them, and they've helped me be better rounded. Overall, these people have made me amazing. I'm a better person now than I could ever have been without them. And I love them for that growth that they've cultivated in me.

LGBT+ friend groups are a gift for LGBT+ people, and their love and support can't be emphasized enough. So to my LGBT+ friend group, thank you for all you've done. I love all of you to bits, and I hope that I've given you even a tiny microcosm of the same support that you've given me.

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