We have all been ghosted. We've all probably ghosted someone, too. It's inevitable with the dating culture we live in. But friendships? Yeah, I was surprised with this one, too.
According to Urban Dictionary, Ghosting is actually defined as when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. They avoid your texts, calls, socials, and even bumping into you in person. It's an easy copy out for someone to say "I'm not interested" without being a mature, adult and having that crucial conversation.
Of course, ghosting does hurt at first, but we usually get over it. It was a sign from the universe that it wasn't meant to be and we just need to try again. Get know down and get right back up, right?
I wish I could say I had the same bounce back when my best friend of 4 years ghosted me.
I try to think back all the time of what happened around the time she disappeared on me, but nothing peculiar comes to mind. She and I were one of those friends that talked nonstop, telling one another when something big happened. Even though we lived hundreds of miles from one another, our bond was inseparable.
Or so I thought.
The funny thing is that it was a random day during the week, and mid-conversation, she stopped answering. I assumed she got busy with class or work, but after days of not hearing from her, I got a little worried.
I texted her again seeing if everything was alright. No answer.
A few days later I sent her another message apologizing for anything I may have said or did anything that might have made her upset with me. No answer.
I let it settle for a week or so before I tried contacting her again. No answer.
One more week goes by. No answer.
At this point, I decided to step away. She was still posting on socials, so at least she was okay. I couldn't understand what I may had done to cause such diffusion in our friendship.
Thanksgiving came and I made sure to send her a message to try again. I think you know the outcome of this one. No answer.
I spent nights on end laying awake, staring at my ceiling wondering what I may have done to force her away. I consoled with my therapist and family about what they thought of the situation. Was it me? Was it her? Who's to blame?
That was my problem as first. Finding something or someone to blame. I felt the need to have a reason for this pain. In past heartbreaks, I was able to sit down and decode what went wrong in the relationship and what I needed to do to be better. I tried to do that exact thing in this scenario because, yes, this felt exactly like heartbreak.
I started to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and maybe she needed to step away. I needed to put myself in her shoes and think that maybe there were other reasons behind her ghosting.
I continued to reach out for her birthday, Christmas, New Years...No answer. It hurts more every time, especially since I know she probably sees it.
No matter how bad this heartache is, she will still always be one of my best friends. I don't know what happened, but I know that she's doing okay, and that's all that matters.
So although I miss talking to her and hearing about all of her successes, failures, and everything in between, I understand that she needs to handle the situation in her own ways.
Getting ghosted from my best friend hurt more than any guy I was dating ever could, but as long as she's happy with it, I'm okay with dealing with the pain that came with it.