Ghosted By My Best Friend

My Best Friend Ghosted Me, And It Hurt More Than Any Guy Doing It Ever Could

As long as she's happy with it, I'm okay with dealing with the pain that came with it.

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We have all been ghosted. We've all probably ghosted someone, too. It's inevitable with the dating culture we live in. But friendships? Yeah, I was surprised with this one, too.

According to Urban Dictionary, Ghosting is actually defined as when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. They avoid your texts, calls, socials, and even bumping into you in person. It's an easy copy out for someone to say "I'm not interested" without being a mature, adult and having that crucial conversation.

Of course, ghosting does hurt at first, but we usually get over it. It was a sign from the universe that it wasn't meant to be and we just need to try again. Get know down and get right back up, right?

I wish I could say I had the same bounce back when my best friend of 4 years ghosted me.

I try to think back all the time of what happened around the time she disappeared on me, but nothing peculiar comes to mind. She and I were one of those friends that talked nonstop, telling one another when something big happened. Even though we lived hundreds of miles from one another, our bond was inseparable.

Or so I thought.

The funny thing is that it was a random day during the week, and mid-conversation, she stopped answering. I assumed she got busy with class or work, but after days of not hearing from her, I got a little worried.

I texted her again seeing if everything was alright. No answer.

A few days later I sent her another message apologizing for anything I may have said or did anything that might have made her upset with me. No answer.

I let it settle for a week or so before I tried contacting her again. No answer.

One more week goes by. No answer.

At this point, I decided to step away. She was still posting on socials, so at least she was okay. I couldn't understand what I may had done to cause such diffusion in our friendship.

Thanksgiving came and I made sure to send her a message to try again. I think you know the outcome of this one. No answer.

I spent nights on end laying awake, staring at my ceiling wondering what I may have done to force her away. I consoled with my therapist and family about what they thought of the situation. Was it me? Was it her? Who's to blame?

That was my problem as first. Finding something or someone to blame. I felt the need to have a reason for this pain. In past heartbreaks, I was able to sit down and decode what went wrong in the relationship and what I needed to do to be better. I tried to do that exact thing in this scenario because, yes, this felt exactly like heartbreak.

I started to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and maybe she needed to step away. I needed to put myself in her shoes and think that maybe there were other reasons behind her ghosting.

I continued to reach out for her birthday, Christmas, New Years...No answer. It hurts more every time, especially since I know she probably sees it.

No matter how bad this heartache is, she will still always be one of my best friends. I don't know what happened, but I know that she's doing okay, and that's all that matters.

So although I miss talking to her and hearing about all of her successes, failures, and everything in between, I understand that she needs to handle the situation in her own ways.

Getting ghosted from my best friend hurt more than any guy I was dating ever could, but as long as she's happy with it, I'm okay with dealing with the pain that came with it.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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