Coming Home

You know how when you sit down and hear that someone is gay, you ask about their coming out story? About how they knew, or how they told people, to how they found themselves where they are today? Yeah, I don’t have anything nearly as majestic as that.

This is my story.

In June of 2016, I attended a wedding with my best friend. We were sitting on the side of the dance floor, chatting and talking about the future. I mentioned how I don’t feel like there is anyone out in the world for me. She asked if I felt that there was no one out in the world for me.. or if I felt that there was just no man out in the world for me.

That shook me to my core. What? What on Earth does a man have to do with it? Then, I realized what she was asking. Was I gay? No, of course not. The attraction that I feel towards women is normal. Its okay to find someone pretty. But the tears I had pouring down my face said otherwise. There is a big difference between telling someone that they are pretty and finding yourself falling for them. So, I took the road that made most sense and told her that I was bisexual. She promised to stay by my side, and for an entire year, kept my secret, as I continued to battle the struggles of school, work, and my mental health.

Fast forward to one year later. This past summer, the summer before I began my Senior year of college, no less, I decided to finally tell my mother that I was bisexual. That I, a happy woman, found women attractive, too. As she has always told me, she was proud and wanted me to be happy in life.

But I wasn’t happy. I finally got it out there to one of the most important people to me, but I still wasn’t comfortable. That night, I once again rain to my best friend. She asked, ‘why don’t you admit the one thing you know?’

And I finally did. I’m gay, and I want to love another woman. I decided to say otherwise, because I was afraid of the social repercussions and what that could mean for the people I know and love in my life… but, what about me? Don’t I deserve to be happy and in love, too?

The answer is HELL YES. I have never been happier than the moment I finally said that I’m gay. I feel so in tune with my mind and feelings and I have grown so much in terms of how I act and present myself to others. And for the people who don’t like who I choose to love, that’s okay.

Because I will be comfortable and I matter. My future wife, wherever the hell she is, is going to be beautiful, gorgeous, courageous, and we are going to build an amazing life full of dogs and babies and flowers. And I can’t wait until the day I find her, because I already know that I love her, and have fought to have her at my side.
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