How I Got Through My 2018 'Burnout' Phase

How I Got Through My 2018 'Burnout' Phase

How I recognized and overcame a burnout.


It seemed like 2018 was the year out burnouts. Going online, many of the top social media influencers and Youtubers, like Elle Mills and Alisha Marie, were posting about their burnouts. Maybe they didn't use that word exactly, but rather, taking a break or some time off. These days, going through a burnout is becoming more and more common. We work and work, to the point where we hate whatever it is that we're doing, or we have a breakdown. So how did I manage to get through mine?

This last year, I also hit my breaking point. To give a little backstory, while going to community college, I changed my major many time, which isn't uncommon. Every time I did, I had more and more classes I needed to take to graduate, or that would set me on a good path when I came to a university. I started to feel like I was lagging behind everyone else. I was taking between 12-20 credits per quarter, which for those who don't know, the average college student would take between 12-15 credits. Sometimes I'd have to retake classes when either I didn't pass or dropped them, which in return would stress me out because that would set me back further. I took classes during the summer, hoping it'd catch me back up, which it didn't. Adding on to that, I would work and take part in school clubs and activities, mostly because that was my time away from studying, the time where I could socialize, and unwind.

When it became time to apply to colleges, I had a breakdown. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, I had lost all interest in what I was currently studying. Grade wise, if I'm being honest, I was average, maybe even below, and didn't stand out. I didn't know where I wanted to go, or how I would afford to even attend a university, At the time I was barely passing my current classes. I had been studying for three years at this point, and I still felt I was at square one. I didn't want to transfer into a program that I wasn't interested in. At this point all I wanted to do was graduate. During this time, my anxiety was also at an all-time high.

I took a step back and thought about my options. I could apply to a few places and pray I'd get in, stay at a community college a while longer, take some time off and focus on myself. I decided that I would graduate with a basic Associates degree, and transfer at the start of the new year, rather than in August or September. The hardest part was telling my family because I felt that they had high expectations of me, and by taking a break, I'd be letting them down. After talking to them, I think they understood where I was coming from and supported my decision. My last quarter of community college, I took a class' that seemed interesting, including a photography class, that would reignite my passion for taking photos.

I enjoyed taking a break, granted I didn't stop doing everything I was doing before, I was still working, but focusing more on myself and what made me happier, was a step up. I started talking to my friends and family more about ways to cope with stress and anxiety and started seeing a professional more regularly. In the end, I'm glad I took that time off.

Going back to my original question, how did I manage to get through my burnout. I think by recognizing that I wasn't satisfied with the way my life was going and taking some time to focus on myself. I would look at other people the same age, or younger than I am, and constantly compare how far along they were to where I was. To be honest, it doesn't really matter if they graduated before I did. If I could give tips to anyone, it would be to talk to someone, friend, family member, teacher, or councilor, anyone who will listen. Also, recognizing when it's time to take a break, we can't work or study endlessly forever. These are supposed to be "the best years of our lives", why spend them stressing out? Slow down and take your time.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Sorry Guys, Girls Actually Want Attention From Other Girls

Who else knows fashion, beauty, style, or looks better than other females themselves?


Men are ya know, "great." We love 'em (somedays). Some girls cry over men, run their lives around men, and make life choices because of men.

But, why should we try to impress men? Men don't understand the time it takes to "beat our face" with makeup. Men don't understand the soreness our arms experienced to get these perfect curls. Some men don't understand how excited we are to score big in the Urban Outfitters clearance section.

Some ladies live by "beauty is pain." But sorry guys, they are not here to impress you.

Why would some ladies spend all the time, effort, and money for men, when some men can't distinguish mascara from lipgloss.

Women are trying to impress other women.

You ever get a compliment from a fellow female and they're like, "Girl, yes girl. The outfit, the hair, YES." Ladies understand and appreciate our efforts.

Do you think what ladies post on social media is to get men pouring in their DMs? No.

We are sharing pictures to inspire and create a group of women to be creative and stylish themselves. Us ladies are trying to build an empire of strong women, and we will not spend time just to look good for men.

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