How to work out a fight with my boyfriend

Relationships Can Be Tricky, Here Are 5 Tips You Should Keep In Mind Next Time You Have A Fight

Is all really fair in love and war?

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I've been in a relationship for eight years, and as I said in the title, relationships can be tricky. One minute you're ok, the next minute you're being passive aggressive because your significant other stole a French fry from your plate after they already said they weren't hungry. Instead of letting shit hit the fan, have you thought about how to handle your arguments in a more, well, civil manner? I know it's easy to say that you can handle any argument or that you never lose your cool, but it's actually pretty common for you or your significant other to do these five things.

1. Stop yelling.

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Even though you don't realize it, you're probably yelling at your boyfriend or girlfriend. That's understandable, things are getting heated and naturally as a human being you just raise your voice when you feel like you need to get your message across. Well, as loud as you may get, yelling isn't going to get your point across l. Take a step back, breathe, lower your tone and proceed to, calmly, speak. The both of you will notice an overall tonal change not only in your voices but the overall atmosphere of your argument. You'll both feel less inclined to feel like you're being scolded by the other person and be less on the defense and way more willing to hear the other one out.

2. Actually hear their side.

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A lot of the time arguments continue because the other person feels like they aren't being heard. Also, a lot of the time arguments happen because of miscommunication. Start front the beginning, ask them to tell them where their side started and how it got here. Maybe you both can find a common point in your sides that can help you break down the cause of your fight. Breaking things down can help the both of you better understand how you got to this place, it can even help you or them pinpoint the “flaws" in time of events. Basically, communication is key.

3. Don’t post about your fights.

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Look, I know how bad you want to post on insta or Twitter about how much of a f*ck boy or prissy b**** your s/o is being. Airing out your dirty laundry does not make you feel better. It just shows your immaturity and honestly will just make the situation way worse. Your argument is between you and your partner, Billy, Susan and the white knight trying to take your side do not need to add their input.

4. Do not use offensive language.

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Using offensive language makes things way worse. This is a given. The moment you start calling each other names is the moment all respect for you or them has gone out the window. It’s easy to get lost in the moment and you can and probably will say something or call them something you mean. Sure, but it doesn’t make it ok. Bringing your selves down to a level where all emotional caution is just thrown out the window just allows this behavior to continue in the future. This is obviously unhealthy for you and them, and it is also a form of verbal abuse. No one deserves to be degraded by name calling and feel like their respect and worth is being torn down.

So quit the name calling.

5. Step away and reconvene.

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If 1-4 didn’t work out and things just seem to be heating up even more, just stop. Take a hard stop from the conversation and get some space for a little bit. Sometimes taking a few minutes or hours from your argument is the best option. This gives you both time to take a breather and really reflect on what has been said and what you want to say next. Sometimes taking a break from the fight makes you realize that your fight is pretty pointless. When you’re stuck in the heat of the moment, everything seems so frustrating and crazy. Taking a step back can make you realize that fighting over a dirty dish really makes no sense.

Obviously, if your issues are larger than what has been depicted, you both should seek out help. Relationship counseling is a real service that is readily available. If you feel that you are no longer safe because of your argument or your relationship, please seek out help.

Below are links to relationship counseling and emergency hotline information in the case of an emergency.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-SAFE (7233)
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
http://www.ndvh.org

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5 Annoying Things Your Boyfriend May Find Annoying

Let's admit it, us girls can send too many texts within under a minute or wanna take a lot, and I mean A LOT of selfies sometimes.

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Girls in a relationship can do some things that boyfriends find annoying, but do us girls find it annoying? Not at all!

1. Texting Him An Excessive Amount

This is something I will admit to doing! I'm the type of person who sometimes texts a little too much. I can explain myself though, I just feel the need to share my thoughts with my boyfriend. Like if I see a dog, I'll text him and say "OMG just passed the cutest dog!" as I'm sure the other girls do too.

2. Taking His Clothes

https://unsplash.com/photos/ZiKhNw0d50I

Now, this is a big one for guys. There's just something more comfortable about guys clothing, and especially when it smells like your guy. I don't think they will ever realize that! It's so comforting to throw on your boyfriend's flannel and go to sleep, or just wear it around.

3. Expecting Him To Make All The Decisions

https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-couple-hugging-during-dawn-1542354/

I feel like some girls just expect the guys to make all the decisions and hate to break it to ya, boyfriends can't read minds and don't know what you're feeling.This is probably my boyfriend's biggest pet peeve because I always say, "Oh I don't know, up to you" but then we end up deciding together when I should've told him my ideas before.

4. Steals Your Food

Come on girls, how many times have we taken food from our boyfriends, saying "just one bite?"

5. Being Late To Everything

When I say being late to everything, I mean EVERYTHING. For me, being late to stuff is just a personality trait at this point.

Now, these things are just typical of girlfriends.

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I'm Learning To Appreciate Low Key Dates As Much As Fancy Ones

My boyfriend once told me he considered Taco Bell drive thrus and funny Youtube video binges dates, and I didn't really appreciate that until recently.

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When I was little, I had really grand ideas of romance and friendship. Older kids went on big fancy dates, with cute dresses, flowers, and spontaneous situations. When I came to be that age though, the idea of fancy dates became kind of lost on me, but I still liked the idea of big fancy dates if the opportunity ever arose. I'm one of those people who loves to create grand expectations for themselves, builds situations and ideas up before they even happen.

However, as I've grown up, started earning my own income, and learned to appreciate the person more than the setting, I've learned to appreciate the cheap, low effort dates for what they are, time with a person you care about a lot, with the added bonus of more money staying in your pocket.

My boyfriend and I are long distance, so a lot of our dates are just eating dinner together over Facebook video call and attempting to synchronize funny Youtube videos we can laugh at together. We don't get a lot of opportunities to see each other in person during the school year, so we try to make the best out of what we have. As much as I love the fancy parts of dressing up and trying new foods that come with what I guess would be considered more traditional dates, I feel more comfortable and relaxed with our low effort, low budget video call dates. A lot of that has translated into us being more comfortable around one another, something that definitely adds to our dynamic when we are around each other.

When we are together, we like to plan these big fancy dates, but we don't always follow through. Sometimes, having no plan is more fun than sticking to one for the whole day, and figuring out fun stuff to do together. Overall, it just seems like spontaneity helps us try new things and avoid just doing the same old movie date we like to do whenever we see each other.

My boyfriend recently told me he considers anytime we've gone to Taco Bell together a date, and we go there together a lot. At first, I thought this was silly, but then I thought of the drives we go on after or the times we've just sat there, eating and talking without having to yell over a hundred other conversations. Nothing means more to me than honest and open communication and discussion, so it started to make sense to me that we would consider all these drive-thru runs dates. We always seem to come away from them knowing a little more about the other person. Even if the food isn't exactly Michelin star quality, the relationship definitely is.

As a romantic person, I love dates of all kinds, but in finally learning to embrace drive-thru dates, I've remembered what the whole point of a date is. A date isn't for the cute, aesthetic stories, or a reason to get dressed up (even though I really like that part).

The whole point of a date is to get to know the person better.

Even though I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, there's still a lot about him I have yet to know, and I feel like there's no better setting for that then when we're at our most comfortable. And sitting on our beds two states away from each other on Facebook video chat, or stuffing our faces with cheap fast food in a parked car in front of my hometown's lake seem like pretty comfortable places if you ask me.

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