How To Recover From Having Your Heart Broken

Your Heart May Be Broken From Lost Love, But The Memories Will Soon Make You Smile

You won't always be sad when you listen to that song on your playlist.

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Life is strange (as if the video game title didn't summarize life enough). Everybody goes through this thing we like to call "heartbreak." Now, while I would love to discuss other topics that are prevalent in my life such as mental health, my new job, and my journey to self-love and self-acceptance, I don't think I can talk about those without getting this out of the way first.

Heartbreak is weird.

Heartbreak is weird because the moment you break it off, everything changes so fast. The person who was a huge part of your life for a period of time quickly becomes the person you pass on the street and don't say a word to, almost as if those months never happened. They quickly become the person who you keep at a distance when they were once the one closest to you. Every time you're in the same room as them, you're content, yet you hurt. You hurt for all the memories that flash behind your eyes, turning from color to black and white as the memories dissolve as fast as they did, out of reach. Unable to relive. Unable to bring back.

As you delete every text message and wipe away every tear, you feel like you're losing a part of yourself. The sharp inhale as you scroll through your camera roll a little too quickly, never allowing your eyes to linger in fear that everything will be brought back. You hit shuffle on the all too familiar playlist, the one playing in the car during every drive that summer, each song tied to a memory, tied to that person. It all comes racing back with every note, with every word. The way your heart clenches unbearably in your chest as your fingers sweep over the letters glued in your journal, the ones you can't bring yourself to reread yet again. All of the history haunting you, seeing the ghost of this person in your bedroom, in your house. Seeing the ghost of your former self, smiling like an idiot in your very bed with every text from them and with every night you spent on the phone for hours at a time.

The thing that hurts the most about memories isn't the fact you'll never get to go back. No.

The thing that hurts the most is remembering how happy you were at that very moment, a moment you can't return to.

The thing that hurts the most is being smacked back into reality and being forced to return to your new life, the one where they're hardly in. You go from hanging out any chance you got and talking every night to glances from across the room. You go from telling someone how much you want to be with them to walking away, having to readjust your life to no longer need them. And just like that, without any warning, everything you once had slips away right before your eyes.

After this person walks out of your life, you will never be the same again. In my case, that was a good thing for me. Even though I was having thoughts about breaking up with this person before the actual breakup, it didn't make the mourning period any easier.

I was in love.

I felt loads of emotions that some people only dream of. I gave someone a huge part of myself only to have that taken away from me, even if it was for the best. You see, the thing about heartbreak is even though it feels like your entire world has shattered around you, you have to remember that it happened for a reason. You have to reflect on your past relationship and learn from it. You have to grow from it. You have to resist the temptation to go back to that person, even when it feels familiar and even when it feels safe. That was my biggest problem: resisting the urge. This person was my best friend and when we broke up, it felt like I not only lost my partner, but my best friend, too. I didn't know what I was going to do or how I was ever going to get over it.

But, let me assure you of one thing: You will move on, and you will be better for it.

However, just because you have moved on, it doesn't mean you will never hurt again because you will. You will go on with your life, making more memories and meeting new people, but that part of your life will always exist. That person doesn't just disappear because you have moved on. Your heart might even still ache from time to time. But, as time goes on like it always does, you will find that the aching and tears happen less and less until it no longer occurs. It will happen until you start smiling instead of crying because even though that part of your life is no longer a reality, you will start smiling because it happened.

You will always love that person because they were once the most important person in your life and eventually, you will be thankful for the memories you shared and everything they taught you because even though heartbreak is the worse, it's just one heartbreak away from finding the person who you will spend forever with. Once that happens, you will finally understand why it never worked out, to begin with.

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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