Whether it was from a silly crush, someone you liked, your first true love, or the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, getting hurt changes you and it’s okay.
The first time I experienced getting my heart broken was something indescribable. It wasn’t pretty, but no heartbreak ever is. It’s also something I don’t think we as people ever truly get over. It still lingers in the back of our minds.
Thankfully, my first heartbreak wasn’t someone I loved, it was someone I liked, a lot. This person and I had a special relationship, we often found ourselves caring more about each other than us. Relationships like ours were hard to find, pure happiness. It was like no matter what was going on I could count on you to be there for me. We were the best of friends, you knew everything about me and I knew everything about you. We were so much alike, but so different, and that’s why it worked. I felt like we were going to be us forever. Whatever we were, that’s the best part, we never had to label it, and we were just “us.” Until, one day we weren’t.
We were always in our own little world, no worries, no problems, just whatever we had and our happiness, that was until life caught up and we fell apart. I’d like to think it was the universe telling us that the relationship we had was not good for us. We both know now that, that was the truth.
When I got hurt, I completely shut down, as most do. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I was crabby all the time, I was so rude and my attitude worsened as time went on. All because he hurt me so badly. That was just how I coped with the pain. I never told anyone about what happened, everyone just assumed I was having a bad day, a bad day every day for 2 months.
I was confused, so confused as to how someone I cared for so much could cause so much pain and heartbreak, how someone who meant the world to me threw me aside like I was nothing to him. It all happened so fast, one week we were each other’s everything, the next I couldn’t stand the thought of him.
It’s been a few months now, and I’ve noticed how different I am. I hate opening up to people, it takes forever to earn my trust and I sometimes still think everyone I meet is going to hurt me. But that’s okay because now I know who I am letting in my life, I know now that because I am so reserved someone will have to break my walls down and prove to me they’re worth it.
Him hurting me, changed me, but it is okay.
I am okay now, I am happy. It took a while to except, but getting hurt is inevitable. This was just the first of many heartbreaks I am going to experience. We’re going to build it up just to watch it fall apart and in the end, I’ll be alone again picking up the pieces, but to me, its okay… It’s okay because one day I’ll find someone who picks up the pieces with me, who builds it back up and make sure it stays, one day I’ll find someone who makes all the heartbreaks worth it. That’s why I am okay with getting my heartbroken, I am okay with letting these heartbreaks change me. I am just okay with it because I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason, and I’ll know that reason when I meet someone who doesn’t break me, but loves me and works through it. So… It’s okay.
To the boy who hurt me, who allowed me to experience this pain and allowed me to realize how I deserve to be treated, thank you.
