The older we get it seems the more engagement photos we see on Facebook, and the more save the dates we seem to find in our mailboxes. It's hard to avoid the imminent future most of us see for ourselves: college, spouse, house, a couple a kids and a few terms served on your local PTA. Nothing seemingly too lofty, and yet too often, it seems unattainable.
It's easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of planning, picking a venue, showers and all other ceremonious events that lead up to the actual wedding. And by the looks of our Pinterest boards, we are all prepared for the nuptials to come. But beyond picking a pastel color palette and finding that perfect centerpiece for the reception, there appears to be a looming cloud off in the distance. That big fat looming cloud of crap is the divorce rate in the United States. According to the American Psychological Association, upwards of fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and the rate for second marriages is even higher. Why? What happened to marriage? It has always been a challenge, there have always been trials and tribulations between man and wife. So where was the fault line? What changed? We did.
Plato's "Symposium" states that human beings used to retain both male and female reproductive organs, but that the God's caused a great split in all creatures, separating man and woman. Now humans were destined to find their other half in order to sustain themselves. That somewhat depicts what marriage used to be in the U.S. When you first left home, you had nothing, and one of the very basic known facts was that you had to find someone to build the rest of your life with. Someone to help you in your endeavors, and to support your life's goals, and most of all, someone to depend on. So you got married. For generations we were taught that basic principle, but it would appear that lesson did not exactly survive the ages. What do we teach our children now?
We teach them to be self-sufficient, that dependence is weak and that in this world you are what you make yourself. They're taught that you are alone in a quest for livelihood. All of which seem like positive ideals, that would hopefully encourage generations to be driven and goal-oriented. But what has that created? A very self-centered society. We view our lives to be more valuable than others, and that our accomplishments mean more if we achieved them on our own. It then becomes very easy to see our fellow man as pawns or opportunities rather than people or souls. We believe that, once all of our accomplishments are out of the way. we will be able to open our hearts to someone, and then find solace in marriage.
But how can someone who's been viewing themselves as the center of their own little world ever be selfless enough to orbit in someone else's? They can't. So they get divorced. Blame it on communication, blame it on adultery or simply say you were unhappy, but the truth is, one or both people were selfish. They put themselves before the union, and once again, chose personal gratification. It seems as though we are ill-equipped to see people for something more than the role that they play in our own lives. Can we truly be upset? Or saddened? We raise our children to be this way yet stand in awe at their actions or pity their loneliness when perhaps, we had a hand in it.
Obviously this article does not seek to make hasty generalization about society, and I'm positive that people are still very much capable of selflessness. But who's to say which is better? Are we destined to once again to evolve into androgynous creatures, and rely purely on ourselves for happiness and fulfillment? It's too soon to say, but perhaps not too soon to pin a little altruism next to our desired diamond ring and dream proposals. It may do more for you than finding your perfect pastel ever would have.
