In Western culture, there are often only two perceived genders: male and female. This concept is often referred to as the gender binary. Many people, especially those who identify as transgender and gender-nonconforming, are currently challenging the idea of having only two genders. There are many people who are not truly the gender society views them as and are working to become their most authentic selves. This often includes a changing of the pronouns they use to refer to themselves. There are other people who are gender non-conforming that for some reason or another also do not wish to trap themselves inside the rigid binary of only male or female. Many people don't subscribe to the social construct of the gender binary.
It is often important to find an identity that is comfortable and helps validate a person's experience.
Whether or not that includes a pronoun (or pronouns) is entirely up to them. Everyone needs to feel accepted in our society, and a great start to this acceptance comes from using the proper language when referring to them. It is very easy to invalidate someone, even on accident, by using the incorrect pronouns when referring to them. But these days, our language is accepting more ways to be inclusive to everyone. Ashley Mardell is a Youtube educator who focuses on making videos on topics within the LGBT+ community. They recently posted a video explaining the use of pronouns, as well as which pronouns they prefer:
I am cisgender. I was assigned female at birth, and I am comfortable identifying as a female and using the feminine gendered pronouns ‘she,’ ‘her,’ and ‘hers.’ But there are many people that feel dysphoria between the gender that society views them as and their true gender.
The best way to make sure to use someone’s correct pronouns is to ask.
I still sometimes struggle with mis-gendering my transgender and gender-binary friends, but they always graciously correct me or accept my mistake as harmless, knowing the intention behind it is good. These days, our language is accepting more ways to be inclusive to everyone.
Recently in one of my classes, the professor used the word ‘waitron’ to refer to a non-gendered server in a restaurant. Everyone in class was struck by the discordant word that seems alien in our language. The suffix –tron, while being an acceptable gender neutral term, also gives the object the connotation of being mechanical somehow, and less human. For most words like this, I have come to accept the masculine terms to be the most gender neutral (e.g. waiter or actor). I feel like these words have a much less gendered implication than their feminine counterparts (e.g. waitress or actress). There are also much simpler means of relating to someone’s occupation in a non-binary fashion, such as using ‘server’ instead of ‘waiter.’
My teacher, after going to the trouble of using this purposefully gender-neutral term, referred back to the server as ‘he or she.’ This invalidates any effort that was being made to move past a gender binary. I feel like it was mostly done subconsciously; the concept of a binary is drilled into our brains in many ways, not just with gender.
But even if we slip up, we cannot give up.
We don’t always realize the power we can have with our words. Calling someone the incorrect gender on purpose is akin to telling someone they don’t exist or they are not important. I think as long as we are conscious of our language and are reasonably accommodating to the language needs of others, then we are headed in the right direction.
