As a recent member of the gay community, I can say getting to know the ropes of how the community and culture work can be an experience, to say the least. Whether it's first getting on apps like Grindr and Bumble or trying to understand all the references and sayings we, The GaysTM, use on a daily basis getting used to, but more importantly, staying safe can be a challenge in this community. Here are the 21 things I wish I knew during my early stages of being a beautiful free-loving slut.
1. Be honest
2. Don't discriminate against femme guys and trans people
We owe the revolution to them.
3. Know our history
I can't stress the importance of knowing what it used to be like for our people. Start at Stonewall and work your way to modern day. We truly are blessed in these times.
4. Consent is active (for both parties)
The minute it hurts too much, make it vocally known. You are allowed to say no or change your mind at any time. It will seem scary but you'll be glad you got out of that situation.
5. Lube is your friend
There's never too much lube, either.
6. Get on PrEP
If you have access to Truvada and aren't using it, you're playing a dangerous game of Russian Roulette. With that said, Truvada takes up to two weeks to start working properly.
7. Be safe
Never give out information if you don't feel comfortable. The last thing you need is a stalker.
8. HIV is not a death sentence anymore
Just keep playing safe and don't be prejudiced. HIV+ people are still people.
9. Wash your sheets
This should be a given, no one wants to smell the last guy that was in your bedroom.
10. Always play safe
Everyone knows were more prone to catch HIV, just play safe. It's for your own sake.
11. Know your status
Get tested regularly, whether you're safe or not. There are testing sites everywhere and even ways to get free at home tests.
12. Invest in a Douche or Enema
No one wants to know what you ate for dinner. Sex in our community is not as spontaneous. Prepare for it!!
13. Don't date anyone who is "DL"
Don't date anyone who isn't out yet or is "DL." That could mean anything from underage to having a wife. Don't be a homewrecker.
14. People have preferences
It's okay to have preferences, just don't be oppressive. And avoid the race thing. If his preference isn't your race, be happy your preference isn't racists.
15. Steer clear of sub-subcultures
Sub-subcultures, like bear or twink, can be fun at first, but don't let them consume your identity. Don't divide yourself further, we're already a minority.
16. Shower sex isn't all that
As hot as it looks in "50 Shades," it's more annoying than anything and you will never finish in the shower.
17. Send nudes with caution
Learn when and where to place your trust. You don't owe anyone anything.
18. Be versatile
I mean that in every sense of the word.
19. In that same vein, be open
Your comfort zone is meant to expand.
20. Don't just have sex anywhere
Sex in a car is not comfortable. Sex on a waterbed doesn't work. Sex in front of a mirror, however, is everything.
21. It's ok to say "no"
If you only take one thing from this, remember: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO.
