Last week during lunch, my friend and I got into a deep conversation about sexuality; eventually, the conversation rolled around to talking about Obergefell v. Hodges, the official name for the Supreme Court case that ruled that gay marriage was now legal in all 50 states. Facebook blew up at this time, what with the rainbow filter available for profile pictures and articles appearing from both sides of the issue- those who were in full support of the ruling and those that were against. I fall into the latter category and could definitely identify with the posts such as this one:
One article that I randomly clicked on stood out from all of these though. Written by Steve Gershom (a pseudonym), he writes from the perspective of someone who is both gay and Catholic and who has chosen a life of chastity. This lifestyle seems to be extremely conflicting, especially when taking into account how both sides would most likely react: the LGBTQ community would not approve because Gershom is choosing sexual abstinence, and the Catholic church, though well-meaning, does not offer any obvious support to those such as Gershom who make this choice. Putting it into Gershom's perspective though, his choices begin to line up and make sense. He writes that while he identifies as gay, he wanted to put his faith first, even at the risk of being opposed. His choice demonstrates how he places importance in the lastingness of God versus in a passing earthly pleasure. That's hard to put as a goal, for anyone, gay or not, because seeing is believing and it's hard to strive for a goal, such as faith/God that is not always tangible. Gershom made the choice anyway. He acknowledges that living chastely is hard because "I sometimes want things that are not good for me". He follows this quotation with the hypothetical situation of his child wanting to eat sand, and Gershom does not allow it because "it won't nourish you; it will hurt you". Similarly, Gershom agrees with the Church on her stance because "she doesn't oppose gay marriage because it's wrong; she opposes it because it's impossible. Gershome then concludes that while being gay and Catholic is incredibly difficult he would not trade marrying a man for receiving the Eucharist, for Mass, and for being able to spend time alone with GOD in a chapel. He asks, "which is worth more- all this, or getting to have sex with who I want?" He then admits that while his responses to these questions are not satisfactory, we can supplement his replies by asking ourselves "How do we get past our own selfishness so we can love god and our neighbors and ourselves?" Whoo. That is a doozy.
My originally-planned dialogue for this article was to admire Steve Gershom for his strength of character in choosing his faith and not being swayed by the culture of sex. I understand there's more to it though. We all have struggles. Gershom's happens to be his sexuality so he chose chastity. I struggle with self-control, and I need to be proactive in choosing that. We are living in a world where the main question asked is "What's in it for me?", whether we are aware of asking this question or not. I like getting what I want. I don't like denying myself anything, especially when it's accessible. Why would anyone like that? To choose denial of self is completely countercultural. but like it or not, it's what all of us objectively need; self-control to make us realize that by denying ourselves we can reach better, more beautiful heights.
So strive for the good- not for the "hipster" reason of being counter-cultural, but because this choice will lead to our collective transformations. Thanks, Steve Gershom, for your courage and choice to lead a lifestyle that will bring joy into infinity and beyond!
Check out Steve's original article here.
Check out Steve's work, originally published via blog here.
Check out these Support Groups for gay Catholics:
Catholic Association for Lesbian & Gay Ministry
Support Groups for Roman Catholic Homosexuals
