Behold the Great Ark!
A special bus takes us across the highway, from the parking lot to fundamentalist pastor Ken Ham's life-sized replica of Noah's Ark.
The biblically accurate rendition of the giant ship transcends the monotonous Kentucky countryside.
I cannot help but feel "small" standing in front of Noah's metaphorical phallus.
Inside the Ark....
Animatronic Noah and his family prepare for the wrath of the lord.
An exhibit on the Ark's second deck illustrates how the acts of man upset God.
As this photo shows, God creates a perfect world. The first man on earth, Adam, wears a scraggily beard and Jewfro. He lives in paradise and cuddles with sabertooth tigers and feral pigs. All is perfect.
However, Man soon descends into darkness.
Humans anger the lord with abominations against their creator such as music and metalworking.
Man senselessly slaughters his fellow creatures. He hunts the dinosaurs to the point of extinction.
Worst of all, man forsakes the lord and lives an excessively hedonistic lifestyle of drinking, smoking and fucking.
God decides he has no choice but to kill everybody in the world except for one righteous man and his family. He calls upon the Noah, the strongest 600 year old man in all the land to build an ark. (Note to reader: Although Bernie Sanders looks ancient, he actually wasn't born until shortly after the flood ended.)
Noah loads two animals of each species onto his ark including....
Midget Giraffes
Mopey Pygmy Rhinos
Velociraptors
All animal enclosures are built to code after a scrupulous examination by biblical inspectors on mechanized scooters.
The builders of the ark don't let all this sin and death get in the way of some good old family fun!
Noah finally exits his ark after a yearlong cruise. God transforms the world from a giant Pangea of land into the modern continents that we see today. Sediment deposits and erosion from the flood form geographic marvels such as the Himalayas and the Grand Canyon.
Noah sends out a dove. He commands the bird to show him proof that the waters have receded. The dove returns with an olive branch signaling to Noah that the world is once again habitable.
Today many modern day children's books attempt to portray the great flood. However, the builders of the Kentucky ark argue that most of the depictions are destructive because they misrepresent the ark's true size.
Some food for thought.
