I know exactly how you're feeling. You can't breathe. You feel like your heart has been physically ripped from your core. You can't eat. Food is the last thing your now nauseous stomach could hold. You can't sleep. You can't even think about laying down tonight without a simple good night text from him or even hearing from him.
It feels as though your heart has stopped beating. You don't know how you could possibly go on without someone who's been with you since the very first time you felt butterflies. But those butterflies have now turned into parasites inside your growling tummy that dictate your every feeling.
You'll want to text him. You'll want to work things out, try to find a solution, fix the broken pieces of your now broken heart. You'll want to call him. You'll want to hear his voice, thinking it will comfort you and bring you a sense of peace. You'll even want to see him. You'll want to fix your makeup, curl your hair, hoping he'll see your beauty and come running.
But don't do any of these things. Delete his number and block him on all of your social media. Seeing all the things he is now doing without you will bring that heart-wrenching feeling and you right back to square one.
You think the world is ending. The sun couldn't possibly rise again, right? How could the sunrise when all you can see is the darkness rising in your soul all the way from your toes to every last strand of your hair?
But, I have news for you, honey.
The sun does rise. You wake up in the morning, and for a split second you don't remember the day before until it hits you. And here you are, feeling the physical pain of your heart aching, replaying the day before over and over and over. This will happen to you many of mornings, but it gets easier, you become stronger every day. And yes you'll have to face him, whether it be at school, or meeting him to return his belongings. He will act like he is okay, he will act like it never affected him, and he will be able to put a smile on his face. And it will crush you. But boys can conceal their feelings so much longer than us girls. It will hit him a month from now. And he'll miss you. He may even try to text you. I can't tell you if you should text him back, but I can only hope I've taught you the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic relationship. I can only hope I taught you to leave when your worth isn't being recognized.
I can't tell you that you won't be sad. I can't tell you that you won't debate your worth. I can't tell you that you won't feel physical pain.
Because you will experience all of this.
But, what I can tell you is this:
You will be okay. You will be happy again. One day you'll wake up with a smile on your face thanks to someone else. One day you won't think of him anymore. He'll be nothing but a distant memory in the back of your brain. You will be able to eat again, air will fill your lungs, and you will get a full night of sleep. It takes time my beautiful girl, but you will come out on top. Just please, never question your worth because you are worth the world and I hope you never forget that.
Love,
Your mother who learned these things the hard way
