Female friendships are essential from the beginning of any woman’s life, but upon entering college and quasi-adulthood, they take on much more importance. While I’ve always had many close female friends, both at my all-girls high school and now my sorority in college, the last two years have shown me how crucial it is that female friends provide constant support in a world that won’t always provide that support otherwise. Here are some of the non-negotiable duties of a female friend.
1. Be a sister tonight, and a mom tomorrow
Whether you drink and go out or not, there will be times in college when a friend needs to be pulled out of a bad situation. Whether your friend is too drunk, legitimately sick, or has found herself in a dangerous situation, it’s time to grab her and go. No pauses for scolding, or side trips to chat with others. Lecturing a drunk, sick, or scared friend results in only a weakened friendship; so even if you’re justified, save the mothering for the next day. Then you can talk about how to be safer, happier, and smarter in the future.
2. Stick around
Sometimes you and your friend will have different ideas about the appropriate way to spend the day or evening. You may be tempted to just split up and let each do their own thing. While compromise is good—and splitting into groups is an option—never let one stubborn friend go solo just because you’d rather go elsewhere. It’s better to suffer through a party you find dreadful than send her alone and regret it later.
3. Stand up for your friend when she won’t stand up for herself
This is the absolute hardest part of friendships for many of us, and I pride myself in how far I have come in prioritizing this role during my first two years of being an undergrad. Whether it is another friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a family member, or a professor, no one gets to take advantage of your friend. It is 100 percent your duty to tell your friend that another friend is walking all over her, or remind her that if her mom tells her she has gained too much weight since starting college, then her mama is WRONG, or, perhaps most crucially, reject any friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend who isn’t up to snuff. Now, by saying this, I don’t mean that you should ostracize a new squeeze because they are nerdy, have bad taste in music, dress badly, or are just obnoxious. What I mean is that if you find your friend’s boyfriend is telling her she isn’t allowed to go out with her friends anymore, or if her girlfriend calls her nasty names in moments of jealousy, or, God forbid, anyone dares to leave bruises on her…it’s time to tell her what she doesn’t want to hear. Sometimes it may cause tension for weeks when you refuse to accept a toxic significant other, but if they are truly harmful, it is your duty as a friend to suffer through a temporary rift until she finally realizes she deserves better.
While of course there are countless other ways to be a top-rated friend, these are some of the most essential and challenging ways I have learned to support the strong women in my life as we (slowly) move toward adulthood. What would you add to the job description?
