Dearest Reader,
I write this to you 12 hours into what was supposed to be a mere 2 hour stay at the airport. Like, how is a lightning storm still a problem for airplanes? I mean, we have jars that combine peanut butter and jelly nowadays. How has that ingenuity not been applied to airplane durability and navigation?
But, I digress.
Over the course of these past 12 hours that I've waited for my flying bucket of metal to arrive, I have exhausted my index finger scrolling through various social media to no avail. To misquote Maximus Decimus Meridius, "I AM NOT ENTERTAINED!" Thus, I have constructed a list of 5 fun things to do by yourself or with friends in an airport so that if you should have to endure an extended stay at an airport, it will be one far more enjoyable than mine.
1. Train Surfer
If you are in a fairly big airport get on one of those trains that takes travelers to various parts of the airport. To play all you have to do is not hold onto any of the safety bars/ handles when the train starts. It sounds simple and boring, but when the sudden bumps and turns of the train throw you into metal poles and unsuspecting strangers, you'll thank me... or sue me for the broken bones that you may receive.
2. People watch
Try to find doppelgängers of characters from your favorite shows. HIMYM, Seinfeld, Friends, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles, whatever. The first person to find all the main characters from their show wins. Huzzah!!
3. Moving Walkway Vertigo
If you find yourself on one of these human conveyor belts, try looking down at the walkway, and convincing yourself that you are going the opposite direction. Once you succeed in doing so, get ready to throw up... a lot.
4. Harambe
A fun game for everyone in your traveling party. Every time a parent loses track of their kids, grab the child. The first person in your group to get shot with a tranquilizer wins!! Yayy!!
5. Bomb Voyage
Go up to a TSA agent, flight attendant, or whoever, and strike up a conversation. See how many times you can subtly work the word "bomb" into the conversation. They will admire your wit and cleverness so much that they will quickly embrace you to the ground. Then they will escort you to a secluded room to ask you how you became so awesome.
