At my lowest point, I was laying in a hospital bed, unable to even gather the energy to sit up and look out the window. I had barely said more than two words to anyone and I was convinced that I had run out of tears. I had never felt so hopeless in my life, and I had no control over my thoughts.
Whether your lowest point is one that was similar to mine, or completely different, from the girl who almost let go: please hold on.
It's easier said than done. Believe me, I know it; no matter how many times someone tells you this crazy adventure of a life is worth it, it's always hard to believe. But nothing compares to your first few better days. Days that you don't plan on being good, but wind up being some of the best. Nothing compares to your fourth day of work in a row, one you were convinced was going to be miserable because your eyes were glossed over with exhaustion, and the sadness in the pit of your stomach could have erupted at any given moment. Nothing compares to this potentially terrible day turning into a magical one, because of the little things. Like the coffee you drank half way through your shift having the perfect balance of cream and sugar, just the way you like it. Or the smile on your coworker's face when they crack yet another dry, sarcastic joke. Or the mesmerizing color of the blue sky on your drive home from work. Or the fact that you didn't even realize your day was alright until you settle down that night with a bit of conscious satisfaction. The first few times this happens, you may be terrified to hold onto the slight bit of happiness you feel, in fear of losing it. Through all that fear and uncertainty, hold on as tightly as you can to that little bit of happiness, and before you know it, every day will be better.
Nothing compares to the look on your best friend's face when you're back on track to being yourself, and everyone knows it. Nothing compares to the happy tears that fall from this friend's eyes when they hug you and remind you repetitively that they love you. The ease you feel in this moment will spark your optimism, and you'll want to be better for good.
Nothing compares to the first full night of sleep you get, without waking up sick to your stomach and unable to calm down, reliving the things that had happened, and fearing the things to come. Nothing compares to waking up well rested, and ready to tackle the day ahead, even if your hands shake while doing so.
From the girl who almost gave up, I know what it's like to lose hope. I know what it's like to feel completely shattered, broken, and lost. But, I also know that in these times of weakness, the most empowering thing is holding on long enough to find yourself slowly mending together your broken pieces. Even if you don't believe anything I've said up until this point, please know I mean it when I say: healing is never going to be an easy process, but one that will surely be worth it.
