Recently, I’ve been super happy. Like, suspiciously content. As a sufferer of OCD and anxiety, this feeling of calmness is odd and uncomfortable. To maintain a sense of normalcy, I’ve been imagining the inevitable situation that will ruin my happiness and drag my spirit into the depths of despair…not to be negative or anything.

But for now, instead of just enjoying this newfound peace, I’ve begun to examine it to figure out its root. In my analysis, I’ve concluded that, as Young The Giant sang, “life is too short to even care at all (whoa).”

Throughout high school, I was always concerned with doing the “right” thing. I was a full-blown perfectionist, and felt that if I wasn’t spending all my free time doing school work, I was being a lazy slob. I pushed myself way too hard, and dealt with increased anxiety because of it. In fact, my heightened anxiety actually made me physically sick and less productive than I would’ve been if I had just taken the time to relax. The latter part of my junior year was a nightmare, as it is for many high school students. I had pushed myself too hard with APs, and SATs, and other dumb acronyms that were supposed to determine my future success.

As a result, I began to feel nauseous and dizzy all the time, as I was dreading classes, tests, and leaving the house. I had really wonderful friends, but I didn’t spend much time with them outside of classes as we were all experiencing heightened stress levels. I wasn’t having much fun, despite the myth that high school years are the best years of life. Where were the wild parties depicted in teen TV shows? My Friday nights were mostly spent catching up on all the sleep I had missed during the week. What was especially frustrating was that it was all self-sabotage. My parents often made me stop doing homework late at night, and encouraged me to make plans with my friends on weeknights. I was irritated when they tried to force me to have fun.

The type of stress I was experiencing is unfortunately very common for high schoolers. Many students deal with both parental and internal pressures to devote their time to activities that will look good on a college application. This results in students overextending themselves, as it is hard to be the president of an honor society, do regular volunteer work, participate in either sports or the arts, get stellar grades, work a job, AND get an adequate amount of sleep. Not to mention the societal pressure put on students to have a fun social life and enjoy their youth. A recent study of various high schools found that about half of the students interviewed were suffering from chronic stress. Chronic stress can lead to substance abuse issues, lack of sleep, and other physical and mental problems. The amount of responsibility cast on teenagers to make decisions that will affect their entire futures is absurd and potentially detrimental.

I’m very glad to say that in college, my stress levels have definitely decreased. I began to realize that stressing out in high school wasn’t all that beneficial to me. Prestige always seemed very important to me in high school, but come senior year, I didn’t even apply to any ridiculously prestigious schools. I realized that the “best” school you can get into is not necessary the best fit. I am so happy and truly feel that I am exactly where I should be at Hunter, but I could’ve gotten into the school without crying before my SAT. I also have a great group of friends who could care less about my high school GPA. For all my hard work in high school, I got a few pins/extra tassels decorating my cap and gown as well as likely permanent bags under my eyes. Woo.

Now, although I still consider myself to have a solid work ethic, I’ve stopped caring about being the “perfect” student. I still strive to get As, but I’ve realized that a bad grade here and there does not define my worth. Instead of drilling useless facts and formulas into my brain so I can spit them back on some standardized test, I am learning about things I care about, and I am considering how I feel about issues that are going on in the world. I’ve also learned to have more fun. While there’s always a paper I could be working on or some test I could be studying for, sometimes it’s just more worth it for me to spend time giggling over memes with people I love. I still have obligations, but sometimes I need time to do what I want to do. I’ve learned that enjoying life doesn’t make me lazy.

Since college has started and I’ve adopted this new approach to life, I’ve felt my mental state improve drastically. I’m able to put my problems into perspective and look at the big picture more. While I think it can be beneficial to have high standards, and even a small amount of stress as a motivating factor, I’ve begun to realize that there is more to life than grades. People say that pressure makes diamonds, but sometimes I’d rather close the textbook and be a happy lump of coal.