I Am A Plus Size Girl And I Don't Know How I Feel About That

I Am A Plus Size Girl And I Don't Know How I Feel About That

In all honesty, I absolutely hate and absolutely love being a plus size girl.
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People define "plus size" as sizes 10 and up but that is not plus-sized.

Size 10 is a medium, you can go to the petite section and get a size 10 but you can't go to the petite section and get a size 18 or even a size 16. There is a difference between being curvy and being plus sized. Yes, plus sized girls have curves but that does not mean that girls with curves are plus sized.

When I go in a store and I see a cute dress or shirt and it's in the "petite" section I get a little mad because I know that there is no way that, that same piece of clothing will be in the plus size section. Shopping for plus size clothes sucks altogether, not everything that is cute in the petite section is an extra-large or bigger and some clothes that are for plus size girls don't fit right. When I get to shop for new clothes I don't try things on to make sure that it's the right size I try it on because I want to make sure it looks right on me, the plus size girl that it's supposed to fit like the petite clothes that fit the non-plus size girls.

Loving yourself and your body is a different journey for plus size girls. To society, we're disgusting because we're fat and that affects how some of us think about ourselves. It takes a long time to feel comfortable in our skin and be comfortable with our weight. We have to embrace our thighs rubbing against each other when we walk, our curves and our belly rolls, because we can't leave a life unhappy that's more unhealthy than being fat. So we learn to embrace ourselves and love ourselves; it's not easy but when you spend your whole life plus sized you have to learn to love yourself no matter what people think about your weight.

Being plus sized is a little complicated. When you hear a skinny girl call herself fat you hear her friends say "No you're not, stop saying that, your beautiful" but when a girl like me calls herself fat, her friends say "Don't say that about yourself." But the difference between those two interactions isn't the response that the girl gets but the meaning of when they call themselves fat.

When skinny girls call themselves fat, it's in a serious sentence. They know they're not fat, looking in the mirror with a flat stomach and just pulling their skin. But when a fat girl calls herself fat it's not always in a serious sentence; some of us are embarrassed about our weight and some of us aren't and have embraced it.

Boys don't look at us the same because of our weight but they whine about how there are no loyal girls in the world while the girl they probably don't look twice at because she's bigger is a loyal girl. And while I could care less about having a boyfriend, I do feel less confident when I like a boy and I keep thinking about if they think I'm cute and if the don't would they if I was thinner.

It's hard to be a plus size girl in this society when no one really encourages you that your size is "perfect." I know that when this article goes live my sister is going to tell me something along the lines that I shouldn't care about my size, and that I am beautiful and that my size doesn't define who I am but no offense to her she wears a size zero and looks like the Mowery twins, she knows nothing about being plus sized.

She doesn't know that my size is holding me back from getting a boyfriend. Or that when she goes in the clothing store she can get the prettiest thing on the rack and I have to settle for this little area in the back corner of the store. She doesn't know what is feels like to be the friend people talk too just to get to another friend. Or that when I'm in public I order less food because people already see me as the fat girl that "eats too much" when in reality I eat lunch and maybe dinner on a good day.

I might call myself fat and make jokes about a guy not liking me because my weight but that does not mean I hate myself. Me telling myself the truth (because that's what it is) is me loving myself the way I am. I'm not going to go to the gym to lose half my weight for a guy or because I hate myself but because I want to lose it for myself and because I believe that I should. A plus size girl working out isn't because she doesn't love herself but because we want to be healthier. I want to be able to run up the stairs or walk across campus with running out of breath.

In all honesty, I absolutely hate and absolutely love being a plus size girl. I might not be confident when it comes to boys but I am confident in myself. Yes, I have insecurities like everyone else but I don't look in the mirror every day with disappointment and I'm happy for that. I guess I do know how I feel about being a plus sized girl.

Cover Image Credit: Queen Sized//Tumblr

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One Year Ago Today

A reflection of my last 12 months; dedicated to those who fear change.
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I’ve never been one for goodbyes or any type of major change for the matter. I would have gone to any lengths to avoid it at all costs in order to prevent a sense of loss or discomfort, but you simply cannot go through life fearing something that is eventually imminent. It is for this reason that I’d like to share some learning experiences and significant turning points in my life that have changed me for the best in the last year.

For me, the last couple of months of high school felt like a never-ending cycle of dread and despair. The thought of going away to college was an exciting one. In fact, it was everything I had been dreaming of my whole life. I’d watched movies, read books, and created this idea that living on my own was the peak of youthful exuberance. It turns out I wasn’t completely wrong, but at that time I was not prepared for was the unexpected sadness that came from the notion of leaving those who I cared so deeply for. I am naturally a very emotional person, although this usually comes as a surprise to many, so continuously having to think about departure did not make for the greatest summer. I dwelled on the loss I would feel once I left everyone I knew, and feared that maybe I wouldn’t make it on my own. However, I decided that I would channel this fear and self-doubt into something productive and use it to my advantage.

I was lucky enough to arrive at college having close friends from my high school, but what I realized early on once my fear dissipated was that it was going to be OK. There were so many new people I was yet to meet, and still have yet to meet, but this idea in itself is what makes the future so exciting!

My first two semesters of college have been a time a growth, self-discovery, and self-love. Spending time living on my own has given me time to reflect on the things that I’m passionate about, as well as things that specifically displease me. On the other hand, it's allowed me outgrow many insecurities and let go of self-destructive tendencies that I no longer have a use for. The classes I’ve taken have been a great learning experience for me because I specifically chose subjects that have always interested me and want to further understand. Except for maybe chemistry. Nevertheless, the point is that it feels great to be able to choose myself and for myself, and have confidence that growth can only positively benefit me. College life and living life on your own in general is only what you make of it. I have realized that for the most part, we spend a large portion of our lives focusing on anything but ourselves, and instead seek things that only bring us short-term satisfaction. However, change can be an opportunity to turn things around and do something great.

So looking back at my life, exactly one year ago from today, I can only conclude that change is not to be feared. It’s an unknown entity that perhaps we ought to embrace more, in order to let it shape us into the most authentic version of ourselves. I think that's what being an adult is all about. It's learning new things about yourself that perhaps you didn't already know, and being able to not only accept these things but embrace them as well. Despite the opinions of others. That's not to say that one necessarily has to go away to college to do these things, but at least for me, it's been a new and unique experience.

Cover Image Credit: Averie Woodard on Unsplash

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A Reflection On Valentine's Day

A day to celebrate love? Or singles-awareness day?
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It’s that time of year again, the day everyone dreads the most. No, not tax day, and not finals. Something even worse than a pop-quiz on a reading you haven’t done.

I’m talking about Valentine’s Day.

Here’s the thing: I’m not bitter. Really, I’m not. Just because I’ve never had a reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean I should despise the day with every fiber of my being. I don’t. I don’t walk around wanting to pop the balloons and spoil the chocolate that’s emphasized by the rose tinted filter that comes with February 14th. I want to celebrate, but I recognize the complexity of my situation as I am, indeed, single.

But Valentine’s Day is about love. It doesn’t, however, specify what kind.

The first theory, the obvious one, is that it’s a celebration of romantic love between two people. It’s the most common interpretation, but the most obvious answer is not always the best answer. Of course, “best” is subjective, but for suspension of belief, let us examine all types of love as equal. If they’re all equally important, then the simultaneous celebration of them on a day of “love” makes sense. See? I do have a point.

The woes of celebrating something you don’t have can be tiring. It’s not the same as going to a wedding when you’re single. A wedding isn’t an empty day just made for greeting cards… well… (that’s a discussion for another time).

Valentine’s Day should have a reimagination so that people can celebrate with their friends! A Pal-entine’s Day! Gather your closest friends and go out for a nice dinner! Or remind them how much you care about them. There is so much overwhelming emphasis put on significant others by advertising and popular media, that friendship has taken a back seat. Well tell your best friend to get in the front seat and speed off to that fancy restaurant or that new movie you’ve been dying to see!

Old or young, make it another day in which you can celebrate your mom! Familial love! Is there ever a point where you should stop telling your mom how much you love her? No! And while this may be an overgeneralization, moms love to be appreciated. They’re people first and foremost, and it always feels great to be appreciated as a person. However for moms, the admiration can mean just that much more. If you live close, go see her, buy her some flowers and maybe a card (yes, they make Valentine’s Day cards for moms!) If you live far, give her a call! Take a half an hour out of another work day to just remind someone who cares loads about you how much you care about her.

Alright, drumroll, this is the one you didn’t see coming. Are you drumming? Duh duh duhdadadadadadadada da da daaaaaa….

SELF LOVE!

Crazy, right? Honestly though, we keep ourselves so incredibly busy that it’s commonplace to not check in with our bodies and with our minds as often as we should. Use Valentine’s Day as an excuse. Take a step back and just spend some time alone. Light some candles if that’s your move, finish that book that’s been staring at you from your bedside table for the last three months… Take yourself out to dinner and a movie! There’s no shame in spending time and money on yourself. You deserve it! You’re the most special someone you’re ever gonna have in your life, so make sure you’re giving yourself enough attention.

Above all, spread some love this Valentine’s Day. The world needs it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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