From The Girl NOT Ready To Settle Down

From The Girl NOT Ready To Settle Down

There's nothing like being independent.
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views

Hi, I am a college girl, and I am NOT ready to settle down.

(And I'm also not sorry about it.)

I know there are a lot of girls out there around 18 to 22 who have decided that they're ready to find "the one" and commit the rest of their lives to that person. Don't get me wrong, I understand these girls. I was one of these girls. But then I had a wake up call.

If you already found someone you love enough to spend the rest of your life loving, then props to you. But I'm not on board.

Maybe this is because I had a long-term relationship throughout my high school years, or maybe it's just because I actually decided to get out of my small town and see more of what the world has to offer, but I'm just nowhere near ready to settle with one person for the rest of my life.

I can understand the mindset of enjoying the comfort of being with a partner. I know the value of the date nights, the Netflix marathons, always having a reliable dinner partner, the inside jokes, and having someone to ask store clerks a question when you're too shy to do it yourself. I get it. But I don't want to just live a "comfortable" life.

There are so many things I would miss out on if I were in a committed relationship.

While I'm young, my life is all about me, and I don't feel bad for being selfish. I can spend time planning my own future instead of making plans revolving around someone else. I can study abroad for a semester or apply for far-away internships without worrying about the struggle of keeping up a long-distance relationship. I can be more outgoing and meet more people at my university instead of staying in watching Netflix every single weekend. These are not things I am willing to give up for a boy.

Relationships are also a lot of work, and I have way too much on my plate right now to worry about fighting with someone over petty problems. At this age, I'm too busy balancing my own activities to try to add in a boyfriend.

All the happiness that I could find in a relationship, I can also have through doing things I enjoy, working towards my future, and spending time with my friends. So why would I add in a relationship that most likely won't work out and will cause added pain in my life I don't need?

I know relationships in themselves are fun adventures, but they're nothing like being independent. My life gets to be solely about me, figuring out who I am, and discovering what I want out of life.

I'll have plenty of time later in life to find someone whom I can spoil with corny gifts, eat pretzels at the mall, hold hands, take goofy pictures and build a life together. But right now I'm creating my own stories and memories.

I'm sure one day I'll be ready for a relationship again, but for now, I'm perfectly content with staying single.


Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To 'That Guy' From High School, My Life Was Always Better Off Without You

I truly wish that I would have never met you.

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views

Silly me for thinking that you were forever - believing the promises and accepting all of your gifts. I took your words to heart: "I want you and only you for the rest of my life." You fantasized romance for me. I thought those feelings were only possible in the movies. I raved about you, spoke so highly about you, and about how I could see a future with you. Silly me.

Silly me for losing friendships over you. I had best friends before you. But then you had me convinced that you were the only person that I needed. They all warned me but I was blinded by your love. There was no way that they could've been right. You were so sweet. You would have never. Silly me.

Silly me for choosing you over experience. You controlled every ounce of my being. I wanted to go out without you but I wasn't allowed. I missed so much because of you and I thought that was normal. I was no longer an individual but rather someone who's life was dictated by someone else's opinions. You told me what was right and wrong. Silly me.

Silly me for believing what you said about my body. I was perfectly content before you came along. But yet there I was, attempting to lose weight and wear more makeup because you told me to. I became a new person around you - one that I didn't like. But I did it anyway, for you. Silly me.

Silly me for thinking I was the only one. I believed the lies that come flowing out of your mouth as if they had been rehearsed for days. You conditioned your eyes to innocence - and I believed them without a doubt. Silly me.

Silly me for not picking up on the signs. Your lies had been inconspicuously drilled into my head. I couldn't even think straight. You had me overcome with emotion to the point where I ignored the hints: the texts with other girls, the lies, the rumors. It all went unnoticed. Silly me.

Silly me for giving you the time of day after I found out what you did. I had always heard of people being cheated on but I never thought that it would've happened to me. Yet, there I was trying to justify why it was okay for you to cheat on me 20+ times. You had me questioning what did wrong to make you not want me. You made me question myself and who I was. Silly me.

And silly me for not knowing my worth earlier on. You stole my happiness, you stole my confidence, you stole my voice, you stole my trust - things I will never be able to fully regain ever again.

I still think about it from time to time, and when I do - I hate myself for ever letting you have that control over me. I truly wish I would've never met you because my life would have been so much better off without you.

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Focusing On Yourself Is The First Step In Any Healthy Relationship

You need to stop and think about yourself.

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views

Everyone has relationships and there's always different kinds. There're romantic relationships, there're friendly relationships, there're family relationships. It always important, for those to work out, that you think about how the other person is, but you also need time for yourself and to think about your wellbeing.

Why, might you ask?

From personal experience, relationships are hard. They can be mind-boggling things that take up your time for better or for worse, they involve the people who you hold closest to your heart, but relationships almost always have you focus on the other person.

Well, what about yourself?

As the years have passed, it's becoming more and more common for people to stop and think about themselves for once. I'm not saying in a selfish way, I'm saying that we are being made more aware that we need to take care of ourselves too. We need to take care of our physical, mental, and emotional health first before we start worrying about others.

Yeah, so I guess that sounds super selfish, but you really can care about yourself while still caring about others. My boyfriend and I love each other very much and thanks to him, he's helped me learn that I can still care about myself and make myself happy while being in a relationship. If I have a problem, I'm working on stopping to think about it and what I can do for myself. The solutions to personal problems can vary; maybe you just need a nap, maybe you need to get the help you need. You should never be afraid to help yourself when it means to benefit to your health.

This is something that I know many people have trouble doing. Our society teaches us that we must please other people no matter what, but I think we should please ourselves first. It's important to always take into account how you're feeling and how you're doing. If you don't, issues might be overlooked, which can ultimately create more problems for the long run. I want to make sure you start taking care of yourself now so you can be healthier for years to come.

I believe that when people are able to take care of themselves, they'll be able to help take care of others at their "peak performance." Think about it, if we all are taking care of ourselves, we would all be the best we could be, which in turn might actually improve our ability to take care of others.

I know that this might just seem like I'm talking about your typical self-care, and while I am, I'm also trying to say that you need to take this seriously. I'm not giving a list that tells you how to destress after a long day. Although those things are nice, you need to make sure you're always taking care of yourself first. Not happy with your relationship? Talk about it with the person involved, it can make things feel a lot better. Not comfortable in the skin you're in? Do what you have to so you're the happiest in your own body.

You come first, I guess that's the simplest way to put it. You are in control of your life and, while the people in your life are important, you need to think about yourself before others.

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