From The Girl NOT Ready To Settle Down

From The Girl NOT Ready To Settle Down

There's nothing like being independent.
96
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Hi, I am a college girl, and I am NOT ready to settle down.

(And I'm also not sorry about it.)

I know there are a lot of girls out there around 18 to 22 who have decided that they're ready to find "the one" and commit the rest of their lives to that person. Don't get me wrong, I understand these girls. I was one of these girls. But then I had a wake up call.

If you already found someone you love enough to spend the rest of your life loving, then props to you. But I'm not on board.

Maybe this is because I had a long-term relationship throughout my high school years, or maybe it's just because I actually decided to get out of my small town and see more of what the world has to offer, but I'm just nowhere near ready to settle with one person for the rest of my life.

I can understand the mindset of enjoying the comfort of being with a partner. I know the value of the date nights, the Netflix marathons, always having a reliable dinner partner, the inside jokes, and having someone to ask store clerks a question when you're too shy to do it yourself. I get it. But I don't want to just live a "comfortable" life.

There are so many things I would miss out on if I were in a committed relationship.

While I'm young, my life is all about me, and I don't feel bad for being selfish. I can spend time planning my own future instead of making plans revolving around someone else. I can study abroad for a semester or apply for far-away internships without worrying about the struggle of keeping up a long-distance relationship. I can be more outgoing and meet more people at my university instead of staying in watching Netflix every single weekend. These are not things I am willing to give up for a boy.

Relationships are also a lot of work, and I have way too much on my plate right now to worry about fighting with someone over petty problems. At this age, I'm too busy balancing my own activities to try to add in a boyfriend.

All the happiness that I could find in a relationship, I can also have through doing things I enjoy, working towards my future, and spending time with my friends. So why would I add in a relationship that most likely won't work out and will cause added pain in my life I don't need?

I know relationships in themselves are fun adventures, but they're nothing like being independent. My life gets to be solely about me, figuring out who I am, and discovering what I want out of life.

I'll have plenty of time later in life to find someone whom I can spoil with corny gifts, eat pretzels at the mall, hold hands, take goofy pictures and build a life together. But right now I'm creating my own stories and memories.

I'm sure one day I'll be ready for a relationship again, but for now, I'm perfectly content with staying single.


Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To All The Boys Who Can’t Commit

A letter from God-loving girls who are waiting for an answer
2024
views

Hey Boy,

Why are you so afraid of committing anyways?

Right, I hear you. You have your own stories, baggage, and fear. Commitment is scary and risky, but life wouldn’t be worth living if there’s no risk or adventures involved, right? Better loved and get hurt than never have loved. Right, there’s no guarantee if we’re gonna work out or not, but that’s part of life. No one ever knows what is gonna happen except for God.

All we can do is to just hold on to whatever we have and fight for whatever we believe in, hoping that we made the right decision that will last into future. If it’s not meant to be, then there’s really nothing we can do. But at least we tried, loved, and fully and fearlessly enjoyed what we have. Then, we’ll move on to accept whatever God had planned for us next.

Remember, though, even if it doesn’t work out between us, we did NOT make a wrong choice. It’s still part of God’s plan because He’s teaching us and shaping us into who we need to be for the future. Boy, you’re right. Bad endings might happen. No matter how much we love and care for each other right now, there’s no promise we will work out and be together forever.

All we can do is to choose to love each other every chance we have, treasure what we have every step of the way, and enjoy what we share every second of the days. I know, it’s very scary to not know what is gonna happen. But sometimes, most of the times, you just have to take a leap of faith.

When I was working at a middle-schooler summer camp, we had this “leap of faith” activity. A camper will climb up a pole to about 30 feet off of the ground, and then jump from the platform to reach for a bar hanging about 6 feet in front of them in the air. The leap is no doubt scary, even when you know you have the harness on. But, you just have to jump. Just commit. Then, you’ll find out it’s not so scary after all. If you can grab the ‘bar’, GREAT! If you miss the ‘bar’, at least you can proudly say that you tried and survived. No, not just survived. You experienced, learned, grew, and became a better/braver you.

Of course, when you’re taking the leap, you’re not gonna go in expecting or even planning to fail. That’s not helpful and you’ll know you didn’t give it everything you have. No, you’ll stand at the edge of that platform, take a deep breath, fix your eyes on that bar, and then give every ounce of strength you have to reach for that bar. You will try with all your heart to make the relationship work and keep your commitment. Only then can you say you’ve tried and that’s just the way it has to be.

But also know that you can’t fail in this. If you grabbed the bar and kept your commitment, you earned the applause and love for you. If you “fail” to grab the bar or have to break off the relationship, you know you learned and gained something in the process.

God designed this to help you grow so that next time when you’re standing on the platform, your heart may still pound and your palms may still sweat, but you know you are brave enough to take the leap and enjoy the view. God will never give up on you, just like the harness will keep you safe. Sure, it will be uncomfortable when you fall and get wedges from the tight harness. But, you know deep down that you’re always SAFE.

So Boy, if you’re afraid to commit because you’re afraid to fail, take that leap of faith, because there’s no way you can fail in God’s hands.

Much love,

Girl

P.S. I promise we’re still gonna be friends if it doesn’t work out, as long as you still want to be friends.

Cover Image Credit: Pexel

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The Game-Changing Relationship Rule That Will Save Your Love Life

It's all about finding that perfect harmony.
1020
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If you’re not finding any luck in the dating field, or even if you just want to give your current relationship a quick checkup, this simple relationship rule can go pretty far. Relationships often boil down to selfishness vs selflessness, which can be a pretty tricky mess to untangle. See if my rule works for you, too.

When relationships fail, it usually comes down to one single factor that caused every following problem and argument- that at least one of the partners doesn’t care for the other more than they care for themselves. That’s the definition of love right there, to truly value someone else’s happiness more than you value and protect your own.

He cheated? He did it because he was more concerned for his short-term happiness than he was for your long-term happiness. She doesn’t prioritize you over her friends? It’s because it’s easier to make herself happy than it is to make you happy, and she doesn’t value you enough to put in the effort to make sure you’re comfortable. Any problem in a relationship can essentially boil down to this.

In an ideal relationship, each person is constantly striving to ensure the other’s comfort and happiness, while simultaneously enjoying the comfort and happiness being provided to them. This equivalent exchange of effort creates a yin-and-yang sort of harmony, reliant only on itself to be propelled into action.

You should love your partner enough that if being with someone else would make them happier than being with you, you’d rather see them be with that person than with yourself- because you value their happiness over your own. Hopefully, your partner would feel the same if the situation were reversed.

Cover Image Credit: pixabay.com

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