While I was attending inpatient and outpatient groups I was told to never exchange contact information with the individuals in care. Since people were there for a multitude of reasons I would question the reasoning behind it. I KNEW the reasoning behind it was the odds of a relapse happening increase when you remain around people with similar "bad patterns." I wasn't in disagreement (completely) but I was confused.
My issue is that I love people. I love having friends and if I find someone I get along with I will ALWAYS want to be friends with them. I had received numerous warnings from some of the staff members so eventually I had to relax about wanting to befriend any of the people in my group. I managed to do it and was all good. We were told that we cannot communicate with other patients outside of the treatment facility until AFTER someone was discharged. Meaning if I wanted to be friends with someone in my group either they or I would have to be discharged. I was actually discharged on the same day as one of the group members I wanted to be friends with and as soon as the day ended we exchanged information and we have good conversations.
Here's the thing: I have many friends. I have so many friends and they all mean so much to me, but I have very few that truly understand my conditions and difficulties. I'll be on the phone with some of my friends during an anxiety attack and they'll just rattle off suggestions of activities that I don't feel like doing and then they get frustrated, hang up, and then I won't hear from them for months. Other people who have issues like this struggle with their friends too. I hear it from them. I feel bad for them because I COMPLETELY understand what it's like to have people try to help but then why their advice isn't taken they give up and ship out.
What the friends I come out of these treatment programs with give me is something that I cannot get from my other friends. And that is understanding. It's more than sympathy, they can relate and feel it and the best part is that there's no advice. There are no recommendations. The reassuring statements I get are "You're not alone, we've all been there. You'll get through it like we always do." That one word. We.That's important to me. They truly make me feel like I have another support system. A different support system. Not to say there are absolutely no "you" statements, but there are a lot less.
We know that we can't rely on our friends for unlimited happiness and we know that we need to figure out a lot of this issues on our own, but it's nice having the constant reminder that I'm understood. That someone else is on the same path that I am. I didn't make better friends. I made new friends that give me a different form of support that I always needed but never knew where to get it from. It has helped a lot and I hope to hold onto these new friendships.
There are certain rules that these friendships have to follow though, so we need to take note of those. The biggest rule is that we cannot be each other's therapists. Support is good. Advice is bad. It's easy to fall back into negative behaviors and it's easier to be influenced by someone who feels the same negative feelings you do. We can give them support but we are not allowed to influence their decision making.
We all need one person who understands. One who has worn our shoes and worn them down to the point where we need new ones. One that has traveled similar roads and gone down several of the same paths. It's an amazing feeling when we find someone who has done these things. There needs to be a certain level of mindfulness when maintaining and starting these friendships, but a little extra effort for someone who shares similar experiences is well worth that effort.
I love all of my friends. They've all been amazingly supportive of me and I know other people have gotten similar support who have been in these situations. I wouldn't trade any of my friends for anything. New and old friends are people I will hold onto for as long as I possibly can.
