When I was in high school, I was obsessed with the idea of having a lot of friends. I thought having a small social circle made me a loser and I was never satisfied with the amount of people I considered “friends.” I always wanted more even if those friendships weren’t deep and we didn’t have much in common.
As I matured, I realized this was a foolish way to think about friendships. It sounds cliché but the more I age, the more I realize that quality trumps quantity in every sense of the word. When I finally let go of the idea that more friends equal a better image, I noticed my life changed. For the first time, I examined my friendships on a deeper level and asked myself the question, "Are either of us getting anything out of this friendship?"
This way of thinking made me evaluate who I wanted to be part of my life. As it turns out, the people I decided I didn’t need in my life seemed to feel the same way about me. A friendship ending doesn’t have to be a negative life event that causes immense sadness and mourning. In fact, a friendship ending can enrich your life in ways you didn’t realize.
It's also important to note that ending friendships doesn’t have to be this big, dramatic moment in which there is a heated confrontation. Often times, friendships end without you being conscious of it. By the time you realize you aren’t getting much out of a friendship, you likely have already begun the brief mourning period over losing that friendship and you will soon be ready to move on your with your life and focus your attention on the friends that value you most.
This is not to say that former friendships didn’t bring you happiness. People are in your life for a reason, even if they don’t remain in your life forever. Looking back on the friendships I have lost, I can recognize the good memories and pinpoint why I considered them a friend during a period of my life. However, that doesn’t mean I wish to spend any time wishing we were still friends the way we once were because I know we never will be. We grew up, we changed, we developed different priorities. A friendship that doesn’t last doesn’t need to be considered a failure. Instead, it can be looked at through the lens of your own personal progression.
Now that I’m in my 20s, I value friendships that are give-and-take. Despite my friendship circle losing some members over the years, I have never felt happier with the people I consider my friends. These people build me up, let me know that I am not alone and offer to help me when I need it. Likewise, I will do the same for them. By losing friendships, I am able to see the beauty in my current ones.
Never feel the need to maintain a friendship solely because of how it makes you look to others. Understand that true friendships require two people respecting, helping and caring about each other. By saying goodbye to former friends, you will find that you will be more content and have more clarity than you ever thought possible.
