For the longest time, I've felt excluded. Even when I'm sitting in a room full of my closest friends, I feel like I'm on the outside. I, like many others, was bullied and left out a lot in grade school- which is what I believe caused this constant fear of not being liked by even my closest friends.

I can remember being purposely left out of certain hangouts and parties as a kid. I remember sobbing to my mother because "no one liked me," and "they think I'm weird." I wasn't a weird kid by any means. The people I considered my friends weren't very good friends, which is why I was constantly out of the loop.

Thankfully, I've made very good friends through my last year in high school to now. Friends that have had my back in the darkest of days, and who have been there for my best days too. Unfortunately, I still have anxiety when it comes to my closest of friends. It doesn't happen often but because of my past, I get in my head about whether or not my friends really like me.

I've tried to suppress these thoughts since my friends now are nothing like the people who didn't include me before. I've tried explaining it to a few people as having some type of "friendship anxiety," but identifying this feeling still didn't put my mind at ease.

What did help me get through this anxiety was thinking of the past and trying to figure out how being excluded actually made me a strong person.

From being left out, I became the friend I always wanted and the person I always strived to be. I wasn't included with the crowd, so I was never a follower- allowing me to be independent from any negative, influencing voices. My friends from the past didn't think I was cool enough to hang, but I learned to not change for them, or anyone for that matter.

I was my own best friend for awhile which helped me realize that I was my own person, and if someone didn't like me that was their loss.

I also learned how to not judge a book by its cover, but by their actions. While so much judgment was passed on me to the point where I was purposely left out, I never did the same to others. I made friends with the kids my 'cool' friends wouldn't give the time of day to, the kids they called weird. Those friends got me through the worst of times, not my friends that left me out.

I now know what to look for in a friend, and I know the warning signs of someone who may not be the best person to get close to.

It was hard being forgotten about and excluded, but I learned at a very young age how to sort out the real friends from the fake. Because of this traumatic upbringing, I learned a hell of a lot about how to be myself, something those old friends don't know anything about. I don't think I would be so confident in who I am without that experience. I'm thankful for that.