How incredible would it feel if every time you were going through something terrible, your phone was full of texts from friends that said:
"Hey, I'm worried about you. Your pain matters to me. Your happiness, your anger, your fear...they all matter to me. I'm here to listen if you want. I love you."
Don't we all need to hear this just a little bit more?
The thing about emotions is that they're just there. You can't 'will' them away, which is horribly frustrating. They demand to be felt, understood, and processed. And they often need friends who will accept them just as they are. My richest friendships are those where I know I can show up, just as I am.
Every single day, our heart goes through a ridiculous amount of emotional states. Think about it: that person who pissed you off by cutting you off in traffic. Or the paper you realized in terror was due in 23 minutes. Or my favorite, passing by someone who broke your heart and feeling that all-too-familiar surge of pain. *sigh*
Whether it's anger, fear, or sadness, we need to stop running from it. Just accept the feeling as it is.
I'll never forget when I had a minor panic attack during my first semester of graduate school. I was working on two term papers on the night before they were due. Here's the punch line: they were both about fear. It was 11:30 p.m., and I leaned back in my chair, heart racing.
"I'm the fear guy...I'm writing two papers about it...and I'm having a panic attack. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Hmm. Well this sucks."
Had I sat there and tried to will away my panic...I'd probably have failed both of those classes. But I got up, and went to spend some time with my buddy, Joey. We didn't even really talk about how I was losing it. We kinda just hung out. He didn't say it, but his actions communicated, "Your fear matters to me, and I want to help with it. I love you." Then at 1 a.m., completely fearless, I went back to my office and crushed it.
I accepted the fear.
Having people who will help you process emotions is a major part of understanding them. I'm a verbal processor, so if you let me talk long enough I usually figure out the issue for myself. That person in your life who is a great listener? That's usually a perfect place to start. By the time I finish talking to Michael or Cody or one of my other good friends, I usually know what the answer to my problem is. And if I don't? Well, I still feel great. Why? Because someone listened to me.
Bottling up your emotions will only lead to pain.
Emotions get a bad rep in the Church. It feels like pastors and apologists are always fighting to persuade everyone that "truth trumps emotion," and in the process, tons of hurting people have their feelings completely ignored or even criticized. So while you lean on other Christians, be careful to pick the right ones who are secure enough that they can hear you without trying to "fix" you. Pick carefully. And if you pick someone who doesn't know how to handle your emotions? Teach them. Tell them what your boundaries are and ask for what you need.
Finally, from my heart to yours:
Whether it's anger, fear, sadness or joy, your feelings matter.They matter because you matter. You matter because God says you matter. And God says you matter because He loves you (emotions and all), more than you could ever know.
