You know the story. It’s the archetypical relationship in dozens of movies, TV shows, and novels. The male and female best friends that always somehow ends in romantic feelings. The typical girl meets boy best friendship that ends in one or both of the individuals developing feelings.
Whether they get together or one person ends up broken-hearted, the relationship that started platonically always morphs into something more.
As I watch the male-female relationship play out time and time again on screen and page I always wonder why. Why does the audience want the male-female relationship to escalate? Why does romance have to enter into the equation for the relationship to be one worthy of telling?
It’s not just the entertainment industry that stands by this idea. I have read articles and talked to a number of individuals that believe a male and female friendship can’t be truly platonic. It is often insisted that individuals of the opposite sex lack the ability to be emotionally intimate with one and other without becoming physically intimate as well. The idea being that eventually, romantic feelings will develop as the friendship develops and the two individuals grow closer.
The reason people have issues with male-female friendships is that they have these old-fashioned preconceived ideas in their heads. They hold these stereotypes that boys like to punch things and talk about football and girls like to paint their nails and cry to one another. The only reason they could perceive these opposite interest groups interacting is that they must be courting one and other.
This may have been true in the 18th century, but now a day’s society is a little bit more lenient on its stereotypes. I have male friends who gossip like sorority girls and female friends who would rather cut their own toes off than talk about emotions. It’s possible to desire a friendship with the opposite sex simply because you enjoy them as a person.
So now you may be thinking, sure, males and females can be friends not because they are interested in each other romantically, but because they enjoy each other’s company. Fine. But you still may be holding onto the idea that no matter what over time they have to develop romantic feelings for one and other or at least attraction. Yes, that’s certainly a possibility. It is possible over time to develop romantic feelings. But it’s also possible not to.
Maybe for some reason, you and that person just aren’t romantically compatible. You can recognize that a friend has great qualities or is attractive without actually being attracted to them. Attractive and attraction are to very different things.
But wait! You, dear author, have forgotten about one minor detail your resilient reader argues. Even if a guy and a girl don’t have feelings for one and other they still face the impossible green monster that can form when one member of the friendship gains a significant other. Yes, you're absolutely right. Jealously can be a very real issue in guy-girl friendships. But if the friendship is strong and all parties are understanding and flexible, it can often be worked through. Just like any friendship, same or opposite sex, faces trials and tribulations, and if the friendship is really worth it, the individuals will work through it.
I’m not denying that the male-female friendships are different than those of the same gender friendships, nor am I denying that I, myself, have not become romantically interested or attracted to males whom I was first only platonically interested in. I’m just implying that it’s possible for differently gendered friendships to work without romantic feelings developing. I think that male-female friendships can be fulfilling without the presence of romance. I believe wholeheartedly that you can platonically love someone of the opposite gender without it having to become more. Sometimes I don’t need benefits. Sometimes I just need a friend.
