There's Nothing Wrong With Being Friends With Your Ex

There's Nothing Wrong With Being Friends With Your Ex

A romantic relationship should be based first and foremost on friendship.
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“I think we should break up…but we can still be friends.”

So many people consider this statement to be silly or impossible. They believe that a romantic relationship is completely separate from a friendship, and that the two cannot coincide.

I beg to differ.

When you form a romantic relationship with someone you are forming a bond, a best friendship with that person. It is even more deep and meaningful in some ways than just a best friendship because you get to share the physical aspects of dating that you, hopefully, do not share with anyone else. And the longer you date that person, the deeper and more meaningful your relationship to him/her should be.

Why do you think that engaged and married couples say things like “I get to marry my best friend?” It is because that person IS their best friend. They aren’t some lover that they just make out with or have sex with. Their relationship is much more complex.

There is a purpose to dating. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend should be about finding your future spouse. If you go into a relationship with this mindset, you are setting yourself up for success. You WANT to find your best friend, the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

If, after a few months or years of dating, you come to the conclusion that this is not your future husband/wife, does that negate your entire friendship that you built during those months or years? Some people date for five or more years before they realize that their significant other is not their future spouse. That is FIVE years of friendship and relationship that is suddenly gone overnight if you believe that you cannot be friends with your Ex. Can you really lose your best friend that easily? What did your relationship really mean if that is the case.

Just because you are losing the ROMANTIC side of a relationship, does not mean you have to lose the FRIENDSHIP side of a relationship. Clearly, if you were in a relationship with someone, you probably liked them as a person. Hopefully you liked them quite a lot! Breaking up with someone is SO MUCH HARDER when you are losing your best friend AND your significant other.

Why do both have to coincide? Fun fact: they don’t!

There should not be this stigma concerning being friends with your Ex. If you want to stay friends—stay friends! If you loved each other when you were dating, you should love each other still, even if you are not IN love with them. Loving someone is about wanting what is best for the other person; all that has changed is that you have realized you are not meant for marriage. But that does not have to change your friendship if you don’t want it to.

This is not to say that all romantic relationships are healthy and good. For some, the breakup was necessary because of emotional and even physical abuse. No one should be FORCED to stay friends with their Ex by any means. And if you feel that it would be too difficult for you to maintain a friendship after a hard breakup, of course, do what is best for you psychologically.

But, everyone should have a choice. No one should be criticized for choosing to be friends with their Ex.

Cover Image Credit: Manuel Meurisse

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Yes, My Boyfriend Is My Best Friend, Through Thick And Thin

I know he'll always be by my side.

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My boyfriend is my best friend.

Sure, I have other people I consider my best friend, but he is ultimately my number one. For the past year, he's been, my go-to guy. He's the first person I go to for everything. Advice, confidence, wisdom, a good laugh, a shoulder to cry on, he's there.

He can make me laugh harder than my favorite Friends episodes, and those crack me up even if I've seen them a million times. He's the goofiest guy I know and always makes me laugh, even when I'm mad at him.

He gives me the best advice when I'm in a tough situation, and always knows what to say.

When I'm feeling down about myself, school, my future, anything, he always gives me the confidence to believe in myself. He's my number one fan and supporter, and is constantly "juicing me up."

Being four years apart in age, he's always giving me wisdom and advice from things he's experienced in his life so I can learn and better myself. He's always trying to guide me in the right direction.

I'm an emotional mess and he's always there to comfort me.

He makes me feel special. No matter where we are or what we're doing, he manages to make me feel like the only girl in the world.

He loves me through the ups and downs, my quirks, my flaws and everything in between.

My boyfriend is my best friend and I'm OK with that.

So Malik, if you come across this, know that you are my number one. I appreciate all you do for me and am so thankful for you. You are my absolute best friend and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

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5 Life Lessons I Learned From My Broken And Faded Friendships

If someone is not putting the same amount of effort into a relationship as you are, do not waste your time waiting around for them. People who want to be around you and spend time with you will make the effort.

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One of my greatest fears is the people in my life leaving me. Every time it happens, I struggle with moving on and trying to focus on forming new relationships. It has always been hard for me to grasp no longer being friends with someone. If they wanted to be in my life, would they not want to stay in my life? Over the years, however, I have come to terms with the fact that no longer being friends with someone is not always a bad thing or something you can control.

Sometimes it just happens naturally and if you have the effort to keep the relationship going but it still does not work, it is not my fault and it just happens. Here are five lessons I have learned from losing people.

1. Know your worth

I once had a best friend in high school who I was inseparable with. We told each other everything and supported one another. Even after they moved to another state we remained close and I even went to visit them on two occasions. However, our conversations started to become less frequent and this friend started to change. I tried hard to constantly text them and stay in contact but I stopped receiving the same effort. Once in a while, they would send a long apology message and said they would try to be better at contacting me but once I forgave them, the same thing happened again.

It took me a long time before I realized I needed to stop forgiving them and allowing them an opportunity to hurt me. If someone is not putting the same amount of effort into a relationship as you are, do not waste your time waiting around for them. People who want to be around you and spend time with you will make the effort.

2. Sometimes it is out of your control

It can be hard, but you need to accept that it is out of your control. Things happen, people get busy or they change. Although you do not want to come to terms with it, it is not within your control and there was likely nothing you could have done to control it. People grow apart over time, it is natural. Sometimes, even when people are trying to make the effort, other responsibilities come up. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to remain and that is OK.

3. Be grateful for the memories

While it is sad that this person is no longer a part of your life, be grateful for the great memories you did have at one point. The person still contributed to your life at some point and that will never change. The past is the past; while you may not be friends anymore, the good memories can never be taken away. So, cherish and hold onto them.

4. Be excited about the future

It sucks that a friendship is over but it just means there's room for a new one to begin. Maybe you'll meet someone who is meant to stay in your life. There are seven billion in the world, you definitely have not met everyone. Embrace any new relationships that come your way and be open to the idea that it can turn into a meaningful relationship.

5. Don't harbor hate

The worst thing you could do is hate or resent the person because of the end of the relationship. If you are focusing on hating the person, you are not moving on. Harboring resentment just limits your growth. Accepting the relationship ended allows you to begin to move on and find your happiness somewhere else. Everyone deserves happiness, don't rob yourself of that.

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