As I have grown up and gotten into the college world for a few years, I've become aware of who I do and do not want to spend my time with. As that list narrows down, it's hard to see that some people on that list are not who they used to be. In general, all of us should experience some let down in our college lives and beyond that. But what makes that so hard is that sometimes the cutting down means cutting out some of your friends.
To be clear, you have no obligation to be anyone's friend.
You are your own person and you should matter the most. What I have struggled with, is a lack of knowing who really wants to stay your friend and who keeps up with you because they feel they have to. We give up looking for those answers and make them for ourselves.
People change and they don't ever stay the same. Like yourselves, I have done a bit of changing over the years. But what thing I've always kept in touch with is my other self, the one I supposedly "left behind". This was the self that was formally changed. That girl isn't as naive as she once was; able to go into the night without having any thought as to how that night may turn out. That girl also let people run her over without considering for one second that she may have an opinion about something. I changed FOR this girl, but this girl never changed me. Without her, I could never see that some people want absolutely nothing to do with you and some people care but just don't show it in the obvious way you want them to.
My friends know I have insecurities that come out in sarcastic and sometimes mean ways. I have openly discussed what's wrong with my life and I have no doubts about their feelings towards me. For the girl who feels a little insecure about growing up, let yourself be. It takes a lot of guts to admit that sometimes people around you change, but the person that is really hard to accept is yourself.
"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."
—Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
