I can't speak for all girls, but growing up, I was constantly taught about dating. I was cautioned against "bad boys" who manipulated, abused, and treated girls with far less than the dignity they deserve. Men in my family reminded me of a boy's main goal which was always to get me in bed and use me. In a sense, I can appreciate the intent of the message. The adults in my life wanted me to make empowered decisions regarding romantic relationships and instill a sense of self-worth that a lot of girls lack. In that regard, they were definitely successful. I know how I should be respected and loved by a partner, but I think no one really placed enough emphasis on how much friends can hurt you too.

I'm not by any means blaming the people in my life for my string of messy friendships. All of the choices I made were, as much as I hate to admit, against the will of my parents and other good friends. My mom is probably one of the most strong-willed people I know, and she always somehow had a sense of people who were bad for me. I never wanted to listen because, like her, I'm a little bit stubborn.

I had a pretty radical personality change starting high school. I went from being confident, independent, and rather uninvolved in the problems of others to being deeply empathetic, insecure, and sensitive. I wouldn't say that I was unfeeling before, nor would I say that those changes are entirely bad. It's more so that I've realized that I'm a magnet for people who are struggling. My friends have told me of some inexplicable trait I have that makes them feel safe and heard when they confide in me. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I think it was the start of my relatively turbulent high school relationships.

I tend to throw myself head first into the problems of others. I have this weirdly keen sense of when people are going through something, and I actively seek ways to help them. I've always tried my best to see the best in every person I meet, but I think it became more of a weakness than a strength. There's a fine line between believing that every person has inherent worth and ignoring toxic traits. It's difficult to see the brokenness in someone who makes you feel whole, and that's exactly what I did. I spent 5 years of my life desperately trying to fix the broken hearts of my closest friends without every taking a glance inward to my own needs. I felt that if I couldn't take care of someone, I didn't have a purpose as a friend.

I won't go into extreme detail about the things I went through, and I won't call anyone out. There's no need for that. I will say, though, that all of the things that they warn you about with boys, happened to me with friends. Jealousy, intense bonding, controlling behavior, isolation, blaming, gaslighting, hypersensitivity, physical threats to themselves, etc. I was constantly reminded of my failures and my flaws, never of my strengths. I was the one that was selfish, horrible, and cynical.

The funny thing is that when I told people about these things they were often dismissed as the person just being dramatic or moody. I always believed people when they said that because no one ever talks about friends being as toxic as a boyfriend could be. The fact of the matter is that finally finding the strength to cut these people off is one of the hardest things I've done. I've never had a REAL boyfriend or breakup, but I know plenty of people who have, and we went through the same things. The tears, the frustration, the anger. Wanting them back in your life, worrying yourself sick about them, wondering how they are without you.

If I'd been with a boy and these things had been happening, I would have been barraged with demands that I dump him. I'm better than that and deserve the world...so why don't we see it the same way with friendships? I guess it's because when we picture detrimental behaviors like these we tend to picture abusers, and that conjures images that we tend to cringe at and shy away from. I won't say I don't feel the same, but I think it's important that we teach everyone, not just girls, that anyone in your life can be unhealthy

Friends should be a positive influence in your life. They're the family that you get to choose. They should encourage you when you're afraid, shower you with love when you succeed, and show you understanding when you're hurting. They should be the people who move mountains to make sure you're given all that you deserve. I'm lucky enough to have those friends in my life now, but there's a part of me that wishes I'd found those people sooner. It would have spared me years of heartache and anxiety over people I thought that I could help but never wanted to return the favor. Ultimately, I guess I just hope that someone can read this article and be reminded of how wonderful they are and find the courage to fight for what they deserve. Because they're worthy of it.