Recently, for the first time in my life, I decided to explore my inner Mila Kunis and begin a friends with benefits relationship. It sounds exciting, right? Hot and sweaty, casual sex with no strings attached, a fun friendship with a promise of random sex without feelings. I thought we would see each other around town and run to the nearest bathroom for a quickie. I actually found what could be compared to an equal version of Justin Timberlake and was having sex with it. I’m not kidding; he was a babe.
While I was messing around with him — we’ll call him “JT Jr.”— and a FWB relationship, I came to realize there are actually no benefits to the term or idea of “friends with benefits.” Here are six reasons why the relationship sucks and you shouldn't even try to do it.
1. No pizza
So, there is actually no food in general. There are no hot dogs from Central Park, no bananas for cramping after a crazy sex-capade; there isn’t even any beer. I’m not one to hide the fact that I’m starving after sex but with a friends with benefits relationship, he has no obligation to feed you. If I ever sign up for this dirty business again, you bet your ass there will be a minimum of pizza and beer for sex requirement.
2. No “O”
Apparently, with this FWB agreement my orgasms were null and void. WTF JT Jr.? #AmIRight? There was no taking turns, it was him and no me. Why didn’t I say anything, you ask? It wasn’t a comfortable space to speak up. We didn’t know each other extremely well and I couldn’t work up the courage to say, “Hey, could you take care of a little something, something on me too?” So, he finished, we high-fived and he left.
3. No friendship
Maybe I went about the whole ordeal the wrong way. There wasn’t an iPad with a Bible, no scene where we tested each other to find preferences and honestly, I didn’t even know how to pronounce his last name. There was simply an agreement we were going to sleep with each other, for fun, and nothing else.It made for very awkward small talk. If you’re going to begin this type of friendship, make sure there is an actual friendship there.
4. Feelings though
What? He was the equivalent of Justin Timberlake, how could I not catch feelings? Everything, even the awkwardness of the not really friendship, made me like him. We agreed, per him, we were only going to sleep with each other. I occupied the agreement in my head not only for cleanliness and safety reasons but for emotional reasons. Yes, I am a woman. We started to text more and, unavoidably, it lead to a little bit of liking on my end. Sue me.
5. No certainty
So, I couldn’t have sex with other people but I could date other people. I was meeting other men and also taking a liking to them but I couldn’t further the hooking up because I made a promise that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else. What this really means is I couldn’t actually date other people unless I wanted to play the Virgin Mary in this short film called ‘Friends With Benefits And No Benefits’.
6. No sex…what?
OK, barely any sex is the right way to put it. Coordinating times to have friends with benefits sex is difficult. We both had jobs and their times didn’t coincide with each other. So, one of us would be in the mood and the other would be at work. The problem with this is that you can’t even complain because complaining puts you in a relationship. I kept my mouth shut and waited until a beneficial meeting worked out but it didn’t.
The bottom line is, if you want to begin a FWB relationship, by all means, go ahead and do it. Just don't do it like I did it. Make sure you discuss what you both want out of it before heading (LOL) into it.
