We’ve all heard of it. Maybe we've all even felt like we’ve been there. But just so we’re all on the same page... The Friend Zone is not real.
For those of you who don’t know, The Friend Zone is a metaphorical place that people feel exiled to when their advances towards a relationship status with a specific person are rejected. Let’s face it, it’s no fun being rejected by someone you’ve set your sights on. This is an obvious and unfortunate reality of life. It causes our individual security to waver when we question why someone doesn’t like us back, but instead of letting any sense of self confidence absorb and process our rejection for us, we rationalize it by placing ourselves in the mythical Friend Zone. It’s comforting, in a way, because it places blame on the person who has placed their rejections on us.
But here’s the thing:
Stating that someone has categorized you into The Friend Zone implies that there’s some obligation for them to fall in love with you in the first place.
And just in case you haven’t realized it... there’s not.
I’m sure it happens with any sex, orientation, etc., but based on my personal experiences, I’ve seen it a lot with guys. There’s this whole social stigma that “nice guys” are always exiled to the friend zone, and, in turn, that girls don’t value how well “nice guys” treat them. So am I, as a girl, obligated to fall in love with someone just because they’re nice to me? Just because they treat me the way human beings should already be treating one another? Nope.
That ideology would imply that girls can be easily manipulated into giving up the best and most valuable parts of themselves. Thinking that way depicts girls to be more machine- or game-like than what they actually are: humans. It’s not like the first guy to break into level two of friendship gets to take her on a date, and the first one to score 150 points gets into bed with her. There’s such a thing as attraction that doesn’t develop with gifts and compliments.
Sadly, people can’t help who or what characteristics they’re attracted to. It’s easy to forget that we are living, breathing mammals, and that’s a whole mixture of fancy psychology and biology that we have no control over. And while it would be nice to discover a mutual attraction with someone who prioritizes treating you well, if you don’t feel it, you just don’t. No one thinks, “Sorry, you’re being sent to The Friend Zone now because you’re just too nice to me and I can’t handle all this positivity.” Let’s be real. It’s either there, or it’s not.
Attraction is not something you can blame someone for. Especially not yourself. You’re not Friend Zoned because of your weight, hair, skin or dorky laugh. It’s not you and it’s not the person that put you there. It just is what is it is, even if it sucks.
