Growing up, I thought you were my best friend. I thought that I could count on you forever. As we got older though, I realized that it wasn’t as clear cut as that. You would lie to me and manipulate me. Why? I never really knew why you treated me that way, but I learned to deal with it. I would write it off as just your “personality” and tell my family “that’s just how she is, it’s fine.” I learned to look past the mistreatment and be a good friend to you anyway. I don’t know if you ever realized how badly you treated me, but on the other hand, neither did I. I was used to the way you treated me. I was so used to waiting for you to tell me what to do and when and how to do it. You were so used to playing games with me, too. That’s why, when I finally came to the realization that I deserved to be treated better, you didn’t know how to handle it.

It didn’t start out all that badly. As kids, you bossed me around and we got ourselves into trouble, but I didn’t mind. We built a friendship together and I became dependent on your presence in my life. But, as each year went by, our friendship became more and more toxic. You lied to me, manipulated me, and played with my emotions for years. I can only guess why you would treat me that way, but I’m willing to bet that it had something to do with wanting to control me. Your controlling behaviors kept me from having other friends sometimes, and that’s not how a friendship should be. I’m not sure how or why I stuck around for so long, and nobody else knew why either. My family and my boyfriend tried to tell me so many times that I deserved better than that, but I had some kind of loyalty to you.

I wanted to see the good in you, and I tried every day. I gave you hundreds of chances to make things right with me. No matter what you did to me, I gave you a shot at redemption because of the soft spot I had for some of our good memories together. After all the good times, I didn’t want to let you go so easily. I believed that deep down, you knew that what you were doing to me was wrong, and that someday you’d stop. I wanted you to be a good friend so badly, that I started to believe you were. When people would say bad things about you, I would stand up for you. When everyone told me to stop being friends with you, I would tell them they were wrong about you.

You and I were in a toxic friendship, and deep down I knew that, but I couldn’t admit it. Right up until the end of our friendship, you remained oblivious to the effects your actions had on me. Every time you lied to me to get what you wanted, or played mind games with me to hurt someone, I lost a little piece of who I was then. I got a little meaner to my friends and family, I spent a little more time worrying what everyone thought of me, and I cared a little less about other people. You and I definitely did not bring out the best in each other.

When I finally decided to end our friendship, you didn’t understand. It didn’t end in the best way, but it had to end. You obviously didn’t take it very well. You tried to turn others against me, spread rumors about me, and you eventually found a replacement for me. That’s okay, though. I didn’t need your approval anymore. I had finally learned the true value of my friendship and I finally believed that I deserved more.

So today, I’m not bitter. Being in a toxic friendship resulted in lessons learned and healthier future friendships. I know the how valuable a good friendship can be, and how truly devastating a bad one can be, and I’m stronger because of that. I can stand here today, with complete confidence, and tell you that I am a better person now, because of the lessons I learned from you. I hope that someday, you can learn from your mistakes and be a better friend to others. You already ran out of chances with me, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start fresh with someone new and make it right this time.