When your friend wants to transfer, it can be a lot to take in. Freshman year, I had quite a few friends tell me they were transferring (the girls in the picture are just two of the friends that transferred). Some after first semester and some after freshman year. No matter what the reason behind it is, it usually isn’t a fun conversation to have. It feels like a piece of you is leaving your second home and you cannot do anything about it. You want to do anything to make them stay, to change their minds. This thought process happens within the first 5 seconds of hearing the news. At least it did for me. But then as you are sitting there listening to them, you will hopefully start to realize that it is not about you. It is about them.
When I had these conversations with friends about them transferring, I did not know how I would react. If you would have asked me before the conversations, I would have said I was going to beg them to stay and stick it out as long as possible, but that’s not what happened. I think the most important thing to remind your friend of when they tell you they are transferring, is that it is about what makes them happy. A friend of mine made plenty of friends at college, but still wasn’t happy. I knew it must have been the school making her unhappy, so I accepted that she had to transfer to a new school where she could get her education. That is what matters. Why spend four years or more of your life at a college that you dislike? Why spend all that money to go to a place where you are not happy? How could I look my friends in the eye after they told me they “just are not happy here” and still tell them to stay? I couldn’t. I knew it wasn’t about me. It was not my education. It was theirs.
My point is that when a friend tells you they are transferring, let that immediate thought process happen, but then take a step back and realize what is best for them. If you truly think they should try a few more things, then be honest. But if you think they truly have done everything possible and are still not happy with where they are getting their education, then accept it. Shed your tears; say your goodbyes. I promise that will most likely not be the last time you talk to them. Like I said, there have been several of my friends that have transferred. And while I wish they could be here in Columbia with me, I am filled with joy knowing they are happy with where they are now. So remember, it is not about you. It is about them. If your friend ever looks at you and tells you that they aren’t happy where they are, then take their hand and help them figure out where they need to be. You will not regret it.
