You don't deserve this heartbreak you're experiencing. This on-and-off habit based on convenient timing. You deserve a guy who notices how absolutely amazing you are. The guy who criticizes your almost every move, making you feel like you are always at fault, totally does not deserve you.
I wish I could tell exactly how I feel. I wish I could always support you without having to bite my lip. I am constantly fighting telling you my true feelings— that he is not worth the time of day and that this will end up being a blessing for your life.
You are so perfect: beautiful, fun, smart, humorous, talented, devoted and beautiful. Any guy would be extremely lucky to love you. He clearly did not feel lucky enough or he would be showing you in every way possible.
But when you are wasting your time and feelings on him, you could be postponing the opportunity to meet or be with a guy that does deserve you. You should be spoiled for all you are worth. The right guy would adore you for all that you are, and even all that you are not. He would never make you cry, unless they are tears of joy. He would make your smile bigger, your life brighter.
Maybe, just maybe, down the road this will work out better. Maybe he will mature, maybe he will realize how wrong he was when he doesn't have you constantly at his call, maybe he will finally treat you better than he currently does.
But ending it, removing all ties from him is the right thing to do for yourself now. I want you to realize in life that not all good is good, so not all bad is bad. This is what is what would be healthiest for both of your lives. In the beginning, it's going to be really hard getting used to the change, since you have been in each other's lives, each other's every days, for so long.
But it's normal. And it's normal to miss him. I want you to miss him while being perfectly content in the thought that you are both following the right paths for both of your futures.
God places each person in our lives for a reason. Maybe to help us grow, give us happiness, teach us something, anything. And sometimes God has these people leave. But this separation doesn't change what this person means to us or the memories that we have created. This person changed us in some way and I think that is a really special thing to say.
Maybe this hurt you're going through is just a testament to how great your first love was. And on the other side, you'll end up an even better person than you were before. You'll get through this, you're strong enough. I know it.
I love you more than I can explain, I only wish he could see what I see.
