I’m lost as to where to begin. There’s so much to say through the tears because I’ve been holding so much back. Any crying, yelling, kicking, punching, whether out of anger or hurt, has to be shared here, because I can no longer stay silent.

We had a strong bond that had built throughout the short time we knew each other. For as different as we seemed, we still were quite similar. Late nights driving around town, star gazing, ice cream, and constant Snapchats: time spent with you was easy. We didn’t have deep conversations, or even find out much about each other’s lives. We just joked around a lot and enjoyed the presence of each other’s company.

Or, that’s what I thought.

When my vulnerability started to show the first time, you were there for me. But by the second time, you took that as your cue to run. It wasn’t even directed towards you, nor did I go to you for help. I could feel immediately that you would never be there for me like you once were. You had made the claim that you would always be there for me, and I believed you. Yet you ran. Fast.

And left me falling into the dirt behind.

I can’t control who I am. I have no reason to justify a part of me that I cannot control. You seemed so willing to accept every part of me, but in reality, you accepted only my good side, not my bad. You talk to me when it’s convenient to you, and when I try to talk, I’m ignored. When we are around others, there’s this sense of arrogance swimming around you, trying to show you up. I can tell this isn’t affecting you the way it’s affecting me.

Did I ever matter to you? I honestly have no idea. You left me behind so quickly that I question your motives. I almost feel used; like I was your puppet. You got the adventures you wanted, you had someone mediocre to spend free time with, and once that was over, you left. Was I good enough at the time and not now? Were you just using me until someone else better came along (like you didn’t know that wasn’t going to happen)? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice an obvious change in your attitude and behavior? I’m a girl, you should know that I would notice those things. I don’t understand how you couldn’t tell how hurt I was. Or if you did, you refused to admit your mistakes and apologize.

No, I’m not overreacting. I’ve been hurt like this before and have let people like you walk all over me, because I gave them the power to control me and my emotions. Shouldn’t I have learned by now?

I guess not.

It’s time to move on. We have bigger and better things to do with our lives.Who am I kidding? You have probably already moved on. You’ve forgotten about me and our memories. Like our friendship was just a scraped knee: there and gone within days and then forgotten it ever existed.

But for me, I have the scar from that scrape. I will never be able to forget the pain you’ve caused, the tears that fell, and the time I spent in agony over one silly little friendship barely a few months old. You gave me sleepless nights, too many thoughts, and took away all of my strength to fight back. You played with my heart, you played with my feelings. And now it’s time to say goodbye.

I’ve never given up on anything before. I’ve tried and worked for anything my mind was set to. School, sports, relationships; I never gave up anything, I simply knew when my time had ended. Much like the decision to break up with a boyfriend after trying so hard to keep it going for so long. That wasn’t giving up, that was knowing when to quit.

Not you. This time I’m giving up. The confusion, the chaos, the hurt . . . I can’t go through that anymore. I deserve better, and you do too. I deserve happiness and joy and for people who care. You seemed like you had given me that, but proved me wrong.

So from me to you, I give up.