To The Friend I Miss More Than Anything

I rarely want a friend that I've lost, back. If we part ways, it's for good reason. If you don't care to have me in your life, then I feel the same without turning back.

It's not like that with us. That's not what happened. It's hard to have that attitude when it comes to you.

Even before we officially met, I knew I was going to like you. You just had that look. I was so excited to hang out with you, if not a little nervous. I'm just like that when it comes to new people.

Within minutes, though, you didn't feel like a new person. We clicked in a way that I have never done with anyone before or since. We liked the same movies. We liked the same music. We suffered from similar demons. We thought the same.

It was like meeting myself. We were the same damn person, on so many levels that I can't even explain.

We became inseparable faster than I could have imagined. I remember you slept over my house for three days straight, and it just felt normal. You were my best friend now, just like that. We even danced in the rain. I met your dad and your grandma, and they liked me. We tried to walk to Rita's for free ice cream day but we got horribly lost. It was okay though, we didn't mind. We just went back to my house to eat snacks.

You probably don't remember this stuff.

It's hard to remember the good times when you thought you had more of them left.

As strong as our friendship became, that's just as quick as it came to a screeching halt. So many things happened, but here's what didn't.

There was no fighting and no resentment. I screwed up and lost a friend soulmate, over someone I don't even talk to anymore. You didn't bring me down, or insult me. Even when your friend did. You always wished happiness for me. I screwed you over, and you were happy that I was happy.

How do you even exist? I'll never figure it out.

You were always so pure and so kind, and the biggest gem that I let slip through my hands. I lost a connection. I lost one of the most amazing humans I have ever met. We were so close in such a short time, and it hurts to think of how many more inside jokes we would have by now.

We've talked since then, but it's different. You stay away. I know why. I know you think that it is the right thing to do, but I don't think it's worth losing you forever.

It kills me seeing your name on social media. Why are you just a name on my screen now? This is so messed up. You even live down the street.

These words are getting blurry, and it's pathetic.

I guess I just miss being with someone who never made me feel bad. Who I could talk to every day, and I never ever was sick of it. I miss feeling the pure excitement for life that I did whenever we were together. You made me love life.

I miss you, man.

I know we say that one day, we'll be that again. Why does that seem like a pipe dream? They say that not everyone you lose is a loss, but you will always be one to me.

I hope you haven't forgotten our good times. I didn't deserve them. I hope you have better friends now. Ones that will realize that you are one in a million.

I'm sorry I messed it up. Ever since then, I haven't been the same. I think we had the kind of friendship that comes along once in a lifetime. I realize a lot of things too late.

There are so many things I wish I could tell you. So much has happened.

It probably wouldn't be so bad if I had you in my life.

I absolutely adore you. You are, and will always be in my heart. I will forever be grateful that someone as lame and as ordinary as me, got to be friends with someone as lovely and incredible as you.

Love you K.