At this point in our lives, we have formed several different types of social relationships. We interact and form significant connections with our roommates, classmates, professors and coworkers. However, as college students, some of the most important social ties are our close friendships and romantic relationships. The people we talk to and spend time with every day help to shape who we are. Human nature urges us to form communities in which the members get along (for the most part). Communities typically form under a commonality. In the case of your friendships and significant others, the commonality is you. If for some reason there is a disconnect between the people in your community, it can create an uncomfortable, tension-filled gap that is hard to close. That’s why it is so important to recognize and consider what one of our relationships can tell us about one another.
Our close friends have a particularly unique perspective on our romantic relationships. This perspective has both subjective and objective components. Subjectively speaking, your best friend knows you. She knows you hate it when a guy calls you “dude,” but you hate it even more when he calls you “baby girl.” He knows it drives you crazy when a girl only blares country music, but it drives you even crazier when she drags you around the mall for five hours. It is likely your best friends share similar peeves too. These conditions are characteristic of our personalities and our friends are able to remind us of the qualities we like and dislike in a partner. Although these examples are fairly superficial in nature, the same concept applies to the morals and values we admire in a significant other. In the times where we are blinded by sheer physical attraction or the newness of a relationship, our friends maintain a certain reflection of our true selves.
Upon objective observation, your best friend can see highly emotional situations much more clearly than you can. Relationships are filled with highs and lows, some being much more serious than others. At the height of an argument, it can be easy to lose sight of what is important. The intimate feelings you have within a relationship can distort the range of hurtful behaviors you are willing to tolerate. A friend can observe you and your partner’s interactions without the bias of romantic emotions. They are able to see disrespect or dishonesty and call it out without passionate feelings creeping up. The same principle works in contrasting situations. A close friend will be able to tell you when you are acting unfairly toward your partner, which will encourage you to be better in your relationship.
There is a reason why we place so much value on our friend’s opinions. If you did not share such similar beliefs and interests, you probably wouldn’t be so close. A friend’s validation of a new relationship is key to long-term success. If your close friends and your significant other don’t get along, this could be a signaling a problem you just can’t see yet. Contrastingly, when the two parties become fast friends, it can serve as an affirmation that you may be doing something right. So, next time you seek out your best buddy for some relationship advice, consider actually taking it. They probably know a lot more than you think.
