There's a lot to be learned in class throughout one's college career, but there's plenty to be learned outside of the lecture hall. To help make the transition worse for every freshman this year, here are some tips.
1. Buy a lanyard and wear it around your neck at all times.
Lanyards are great for holding your keys and let everyone know that you're a freshman. Also a great conversation starter. If you really wanna step your game up, you can also attach your school ID card to the lanyard. 10/10: would definitely recommend.
2. Pack everything you own to move into your 10 x 10 dorm room.
You never know when you might need that keychain that you got as a gift when your parents went on vacation without you three years ago. Seriously, your dorm room is just a glorified closet, so it's a great idea to bring everything that you own.
3. Don't join any clubs or be involved in any on-campus activity.
Just don't do it — you are solely at college to do your work and get a degree, not to make connections or have fun.
4. Run to class every day.
It saves time for your commute to class, and you can get your daily exercise in as well. People will stare at you, and it's probably because they're admiring your running form.
5. Don't buy any of your textbooks.
Textbooks are expensive, and the typical college kid is poor, so don't bother buying your textbooks. If the textbook is "mandatory," maybe consider looking into it.
6. Only go to parties on weekdays.
You do need some social interaction after classes, and going to a party is a great way to have that social interaction. It's really great to end a weekday by going to a party.
7. Energy drinks > sleep.
Sleep is for the weak when you're at college. You always have to be on your A-game. Try to get about four to six hours of sleep every night, but supplement the rest with a Monster.
8. Don't go in the library.
The library is a great place with very helpful people and has a conducive studying environment. Don't go there.
9. Don't study.
If you're really smart enough to be in your major, you will be able to get by without doing any extra work. The best way to find out if your major is really for you is to not do any extra studying; just go to class and hope it works out.
10. Don't go to the gym.
The gym is another great place and is a good stress reliever after all of the studying that you don't do. Don't try to de-stress yourself. As long as you are at college, you should be a pile of stress.
Note: This article is 100 percent sarcasm, and if you really are an incoming freshman looking for advice, don't take any of this seriously. Please.
