I decided to go through fraternity rush in the fall of my freshman year. After accepting a bid with Phi Kappa Psi, my pledging process began. I had much to learn — the Greek alphabet, for example, as well our founding fathers and the creed of the fraternity. While I did in fact learn these things, one of my most memorable learning experiences occurred on the back porch of an older member’s house. At one point in our conversation, I was almost immediately corrected upon referring to one of my pledge brothers as a Frat Boy. He told me, “Try not to use the term ‘Frat Boy’. It makes you think of the bro-tank wearing try-hards who live only to party. It has kind of a negative connotation, and that’s not something with which we want to associate ourselves. We’re Fraternity Men, not Frat Boys.” These words have stuck with me ever since. Many people don’t really understand the difference between the two. Some simply think that “frat” is a shortened form of the word “fraternity”, which can spark arguments about what you would or would not call your country (You would call it a count). Others lump the two categories together, thinking of the “fraternity stereotype” created by movies like “Animal House” or “The Neighbors”. There are several key characteristics that distinguish the Frat Boy from the Fraternity Man.
Reasons for Joining
Frat Boy: The Frat Boy joined his organization solely for the sake of partying. He can be found drinking like a fish or lying stoned on the couch on any given day of the week. His GPA has a legitimate risk of falling lower than his BAC. He believes that simply being a member of the fraternity guarantees a job to be handed to him upon graduation, thanks to rich alumni who have worked their way up the corporate ladder.
Fraternity Man: The Fraternity Man joined his fraternity for all the right reasons. He wants to find a brotherhood of lifelong friends- a group of guys that will support him no matter what, and who will help him become a better man throughout his collegiate career. He’s there to network with the people around him, and to build up a respectable reputation for himself. He knows that nothing will be handed to him after graduation, so he spends college developing skills to make him a more attractive candidate for the job. The Fraternity man lives by the values instilled by his founding fathers, and not by the fraternity stereotype.
Involvement
Frat Boy: The Frat Boy is sometimes referred to as “the Blister” or “Santa Claus” of his fraternity, meaning he either shows up after all of the work is finished, or else he seemingly only shows up once a year. His chapter attendance is spotty at best, and while he always seems to be altogether much too busy to show up to fundraisers or philanthropy events, he can usually seem to squeeze in enough space in his planner to make it to the after party. The only time he might be able to find enough time to attend these events is if he has had a chance to adequately pregame, because after all, it’s not something he can sit through sober. He might play on an intramural team, but other than that, the Frat Boy isn’t really involved in anything around campus. He is either too lazy or too unreliable to be trusted with any type of leadership position.
Fraternity Man: The Fraternity Man likes to be involved. He enjoys being an active member of his chapter, and frequently shows up to events; whether it’s a chapter meeting, a mixer, or even a philanthropy event, there is a good chance that he will be there. The Fraternity Man is probably involved in other organizations around campus, and there’s a pretty good chance he will hold some sort of leadership position throughout the course of his collegiate career, which could be anything ranging from a committee chair to the chapter president.
Scholarship
Frat Boy: The Frat Boy wouldn’t be caught dead in a classroom, preferring instead to drink on the porch or, weather permitting, play 18 holes at the local golf course. The only reason his morning classes even exist is because they give him a way to provide way to pass the time in the case that he wakes up without the usual brain-crippling hangover from the night before. He relies on the professor posting all of the notes online, as well as utilizing the chapter test bank. The Frat Boy puts off all schoolwork until the last minute, binging on coffee and Red Bull so that he can stay awake throughout the course of his all-nighter. The 12 credit hours that he’s taking are very challenging to him. At best, his grade point average looks like the ERA for a major-league pitcher headed for the Hall of Fame, and he is a firm believer in the phrase “C’s get Degrees.”
Fraternity Man: The Fraternity Man strives for academic excellence. He came to college to learn, so it’s no surprise to see his name on the Dean’s List. His classroom attendance is excellent. Sure, he might miss a day or two throughout the semester, but nobody’s perfect. If he decides to go out on a week night, he doesn’t let it interfere with his ability to make it to class in the morning. He takes notes throughout his lectures, and studies for his tests well in advance so that he can be as prepared as possible. Anything lower than a 3.0 GPA might be considered failing for the Fraternity Man. He knows that his grades must be high enough to impress potential employers in the future.
Behavior at Parties
Frat Boy: The Frat Boy is a permanent fixture at any social gathering hosted by his fraternity. He has two simple goals that he strives toward at any given party: black out and get laid. He rarely leaves the dance floor in the grimy basement, because that’s where all the action happens. You might see him with several girls throughout the course of the night, and he is always, ALWAYS belligerently drunk. He drinks until he can’t anymore, then he pukes and rallies, grabbing another cup and getting back to business. The Frat Boy generally ends up passing out on the couch, or getting carried to the car by an unlucky sober driver.
Fraternity Man: The Fraternity Man likes to have a good time. He can put down beers with the best of his brothers, but the difference between him and his Frat Boy counterpart is that a Fraternity Man drinks responsibly…relatively speaking. He knows how to handle his alcohol, and is able to realize when he’s had enough to drink. He attends parties to socialize, usually preferring to occupy the house’s living room or front porch, where he is able to hold an actual conversation with people. The Fraternity Man usually has a way home planned out in advance, and always manages to get there safely.
Attitude towards Women
Frat Boy: The Frat Boy can usually be identified by some of his signature taglines, such as the late night “You up?” texts, or the classic “Netflix and Chill?” He tends to have a reputation as being a bit of a player with the ladies. Call him a player if you want, at least he knows how to play the game, right? He hooks up with as many girls as possible, almost as if they’re trophies, which he doesn’t hesitate to boast about to all of his brothers. If he happens to receive a nude pic, it goes immediately into a group message for everyone to see. The Frat Boy isn’t exactly a “relationship” type of guy; his relationships don’t tend to last long, because he either gets bored and drops the current girl to pursue another one, or he gets bored and cheats on the current girl with another one. He might be fun for a time, but for any girl looking for something more than a casual hook up, avoid the Frat Boy at all costs.
Fraternity Man: The Fraternity Man is a complete gentleman. He knows how to treat a woman with respect, and he doesn’t hesitate to show it. Some Fraternity Men might “hook up” with just as many girls as the Frat Boy, but there are several key differences between the two. While the Frat Boy tells everyone he can about his latest slam, a Fraternity Man keeps things to himself so that the woman’s dignity might remain intact. After all, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell. Another key difference is that if the Fraternity Man is only looking for a hookup, he makes it clear from the beginning, rather than leading the poor girl on in hopes of becoming something more. More often, however, the Fraternity Man prefers more traditional courtship procedures. He takes women on actual dates, and above all, if he commits to a relationship, he stays faithful.
Fraternities were originally created as a way for young men with similar interests to come together and work collectively toward bettering themselves throughout their collegiate careers. Our founding fathers stressed the importance of qualities such as scholarship, leadership, philanthropy, and brotherhood. Members entered as boys so that they could emerge as men. For many of us, this concept seems to have been lost somewhere down the line. Greek life has been under fire more often than not lately. It’s on the chopping block, and if we want it to stay around, something needs to change. There’s no room in Greek life for the hazing, the racism, or the sexual assaults that we all-too-often see portrayed in the media. We need to go back to the basics and live as our founding fathers intended. We’re Fraternity Men, not Frat Boys; maybe we should start acting like it.
