It is never easy when any parent walks away. So many scars are left behind and pieces left to be picked up, but when a father leaves his daughter, it is something she never forgets. Here are four questions a girl asks herself when she is abandoned by her father:
Am I lovely?
The main question that lies in every girl’s heart. This is something a little girl wants to know from the time she can walk and talk. We spend our young days trying on fake jewelry, watching mom put on her make-up, and excitedly yelling, “Look daddy!” as we spin around in our sun dress, hoping for a smile and a compliment that reassures us that we are in fact, the loveliest. But this question never goes away; it only evolves as we get older and we start looking for answers to that question in different ways and in different people. This question starts with a girl’s daddy, though. And when a father turns his back and walks away from his daughter, well, that becomes the answer to our question- no, you are not lovely.
What did I do wrong?
No matter how many times your mom tells you that it wasn’t your fault, you won’t believe it. You can’t help but ask yourself this question day in and day out. What did I do? What did I say? Once you stop asking the general questions you start pinpointing “flaws” that you convince yourself are exactly what made him leave. “Was I too loud?” becomes “If I wouldn’t have been so loud,” and it continues with every aspect of your being, physically and emotionally.
What can I do to make him come back?
This question is the one that will now dictate your life. When a girl is left by the one man who was supposed to love her first, and love her more than any other man ever would, her thoughts become consumed with ways she can make him come back. Her thoughts become consumed with ways she can make him love her. Her thoughts become consumed with perfection. A young girl hungry for her father’s love will try to reach impossible heights in order to bring him back. School, extracurricular activities, household chores– all once a part of every-day life now become obsessions done for love. “If only I keep my room clean, then maybe he will come back.” “If I get straight A’s in school, maybe I’ll be smart enough for him then.” “If I am PERFECT then he will FINALLY love me.”
Am I worthy of love?
A girl’s daddy is the first one to love her. He is the first one to show her how she should be loved. He is her rock, her protector, and her hero. At least, he should be. When a father leaves his daughter behind he is not only communicating to her through his actions that she is not lovely, but also that she is not worthy of love. This is the beginning of a lifelong battle she will have to fight. She will constantly be guessing her worth and will struggle with self-esteem. In relationships, if she doesn't run from them, she will have to try and convince herself daily that she is worthy of love, but will most likely seek constant reassurance from her significant other. She may even try to validate her worth through her significant other, which will of course end poorly.
Unfortunately, these are the main thoughts that go through your head if you have been abandoned by your father, and they never go away. With time and with some help from family, friends, loved ones, and God’s love, the questions will start to just be whispers in the back of your mind. There will be hard days where all you can think about are those questions, but you will pick yourself back up. Do you want to know why? Because you ARE lovely, it was NOT your fault, you are MORE THAN ENOUGH, and yes, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WORTHY OF LOVE.
