If you could only use four words to impact someone's life, what words would you choose? There are plenty of good options: I'm here for you. I care about you. You're important to me. You make a difference. You can do this! We're in it together. You could also go for one of the most powerful four words that I believe says all of those wonderful things and more:
I'm proud of you.
Something about that phrase locks a moment into our heads. I remember exactly where I was, what I was going through, and the inflection of each time someone has said those words to me. It always seemed to come when I needed it most, and sometimes from very unexpected places. Those four words easily bring me to tears; they also filled me with energy that I desperately needed. Why is hearing someone is proud of us so powerful?
Because it lets us know that we are not alone.
Expressing personal pride is a hot topic in our cultural. We're told to embrace ourselves, celebrate our own accomplishments, and be our own cheerleaders. And while, yes, you should take pride in your work, in your heritage, in your gifts and abilities, it can get a little lonely up there on the bandstand, sounding your own horn. After awhile, the little voice of doubt starts to creep in: " Am I actually doing well? Is this working? Am I being a positive change in the world around me? Are others affected by my actions?"
Never is that voice more amplified than when you're going through a season of growth and change; that is when we need those words the most. On the bad days where you feel like you are letting all the spinning plates hit the floor, things aren't going as planned, and you don't know what to do, those words are like the fight song being belted out: I believe in you! I see you trying! Keep going! Stay strong! On the good days, where you feel like you are finally getting it right, you've made the breakthrough, and earned the reward of all your hard work, those words are like confetti: I knew you could do it! Look at what you have accomplished. I see all of your hard work.
I'm proud of you.
There is a flip-side to the power of this phrase, too. Its absence leaves a tangible emptiness, and all too often it is unintentional. When I bring up this topic around peers, the most common response I get is "My (parents, teachers, significant other) never say they're proud of me. I think they are, but it would be nice to hear." I was one of those people who unintentionally forgot to let my friends and family know I saw their hard work, but needed to hear it myself. I started a simple mission: tell people I'm proud of them when I get the chance. A quick text. A Facebook comment. Four tiny words on a sticky note. From my husband, to my best friend, to my professors, I owed a substantial debt to the people around me who had been cheering me on for so long-- so I started giving back.
The response was staggering. So many people needed those four words, and I was keeping them to myself for so long.
It's time to fix that. We send each other applause emojis, hearts, and carefully crafted hashtags, but there is still some powerful word-magic in simply saying "I'm proud of you." Take time to notice the accomplishments and tiny victories in the lives of others around you, and let them know you see it.
It will change their world.
