My parents have been foster parents my entire life. I was one of their OG foster kids, but they adopted me in 1999. Ever since then, my parents have had over 100 kids in and out of their home, and they have adopted six kids and are in the process of adopting three more. I do not remember much about the kids who were with us when I was little, but the kids who came when I was a teenager are the ones I remember vividly.
Each child or teen that has entered my life in the past ten years has left a huge impact on me.
You always hear that the foster family impacts the child, but in my case, the children have impacted me.
The first "foster" sister I remember coming into my home was a teenage girl named Charlene. Charlene was 8 years older than me and, because of our age difference, we were not very close at first. Charlene lived with us for five years, and then she moved ten minutes away from us for a year. She became my sister. Charlene and I grew closer as I got older. She eventually started her own family and moved from Ohio to New Jersey. Her visits were only once a year or once every other year.
My mom has always said that Charlene was the most difficult child to have at our house, but she would also say that Charlene was the only one who stayed in her life after they aged out. Charlene became my mom's daughter, too. Charlene allowed her kids to be in our lives and they became part of my world. Charlene sadly passed away on September 4th, 2016. She left behind four kids, her boyfriend, and her siblings.
My life was beautiful because Charlene was in it.
Many people think that foster care is all heartbreak and tears, but I know otherwise. Kids do come and go. Some stay for years or months, but some only stay for a few days. When you bond with another human and then they go away, it can be devastating. Most of the time, when a child goes back home, they lose all contact with their foster family. This is not always the case, but it does happen and it does break your heart. In high school, we had three teenage girls that lived in our house and they all went home.
Out of those three girls, I only talk to one and that is only every now and then. We had a sibling group of four when I was in elementary school and they were with us for a while, but I only see them on Facebook. I have not spoken to them since they left. I don't think that they deliberately stopped speaking to us; I think that they just got caught up in their lives and we just became memories.
Some kids stick with you more than others, and Sarah was definitely someone that stuck with me. Sarah came into my life when I was 14. She became my sidekick. When I looked at her, I knew she needed me and she knew I needed her. It was so fun and easy living with her because it was like we were two halves of a whole.
If I am being honest, I have thousands of stories to tell about Sarah. Sarah lived with us twice at two different times in my life. Sarah was there to pick me up during one of the hardest times in my life. Sarah became my best friend and my little sister; all I wanted to do was protect her. Sarah leaving was one of the most devastating things to happen to me when I was in high school.
After Sarah left the second time, she had a baby. I talk to her every now and then, which is crazy because she lives only an hour away from me. Sarah changed my life; she made me want to be a better person.
You do not see how you impact children and their families when they are living with you. It is when they leave that you see if you actually impacted them. It is an amazing thing when you hear how you have changed someone's life. That is what has impacted my life the most, knowing that I have helped change someone else's life.
I have been fortunate to get to know the kids that have walked into my life. Even though I do not have relationships with most of them now, the relationships I still do have mean the world to me.
Destiny came into my life when I was a senior in high school. Her son, Marc, came a week before she did and I instantly fell in love with him. Marc was not even a year old when he came to us. Destiny and I instantly clicked. We did everything together. She became my sister and Marc became my nephew. I loved them and still love them with everything in me. I would do anything for those two; they became my entire world.
I know that sounds crazy, but what I did in life was for them. I wanted them to know how loved they were. Long story short, Destiny moved to a different state to be with family. Things did not work out and she eventually moved back in with us and this time she had a new baby with her, Dakota. Dakota was six months old when they moved back in with us. She, along with her brother and mother, became my world once more.
When she went to work, I helped with the kids. When she was home from work, we were out with the kids. She eventually aged out and she moved out. I have only seen her and the kids one time since they left, but we still have a great relationship. That is the beauty of foster care: the relationships you make.
I have been blessed to meet the kids that have come into my life. I always want to do well for the kids who move into my home.
I want them to know that someone cares about them and will not give up on them.
They make me want to become a role model and a good person. I have a responsibility to love these kids and show them that the world is not such a terrible place. The word "foster" in "foster sister" is just a word because I AM a sister and a friend to the children who need one the most.
