Fraternity formal is a weekend where Greeks can escape the monotony of class and homework, and head up to the mountains for a weekend of drinking and debauchery.The expectations of formal greatly differ from what actually happens...

     Formal season is finally upon us; girls are frantically trying to find dates and dresses, while the guys are deciding which flavor of cheap vodka to buy for the weekend. Fraternity formal is a weekend where Greeks can escape the monotony of class and homework, and head up to the mountains for a weekend of drinking and debauchery. We envision a fun weekend surrounded by beautiful snow-peaked mountains while we lounge in the hot tub, sipping champagne. There’s dinner, dancing, and maybe even some alone time with the cute frat guy who invited you to his formal. But reality doesn’t always live up to our expectations…

1.     The Date.

a.     Expectations: Guys look for many things in a fraternity formal date; she has to be outgoing, fun, classy, independent, able to hold her alcohol, and good-looking (to make their brothers jealous, of course). Once the perfect date is found, the weekend is all set. The conversation goes well on the car ride up to the mountains and she seems like a fun girl who’s down to have a good time. She gets along with your brothers, keeps up with you while you’re drinking, and she’s one of those happy drunks, laughing at all of your jokes. Girls on the other hand want a gentleman, someone who is caring and respectful and ready to treat them to a fun weekend. He comes prepared with her favorite alcohol (something fruity and bubbly) and even brings her flowers. He doesn’t try to peek at you while you change into your swimsuit, and he stays by your side the entire night as you two share drinks and laughs. At the end of the night, you guys snuggle up together in that big cozy bed, thinking what a perfect day it’s been.

b.     Reality: So, you waited until the last minute and your perfect date is already cozied up with one of your brothers. She talks on the phone with her best friend for the two-hour drive, and you crank the music up to tune out her annoying laugh. You both head straight for the alcohol once you’ve arrived and drink as much as you physically can. She keeps falling down and embarrassing herself, and she proceeds to get sick in public. Multiple times. The classy fraternity gentleman you so wished and hoped for? He disappeared after his second drink, and is now replaced with a handsy, vulgar, sloppier version of his previous self. He ditches you to hang out with his brothers and even has the nerve to ask for one of your sister’s numbers. It’s not until you guys are lying in bed that you realize you are not only stuck with this person for the rest of the weekend, but you also completely despise them.

2.     The Robes.

a.     Expectations: What frat formal is complete without fluffy robes? Guys and girls immediately head for the closet, put on their identical fluffy, white robes, and walk around the hotel like they own the place. The guys feel like younger versions of Hugh Hefner in their own personal Playboy Mansion, sipping from glasses of the finest scotch available. Beautiful girls surround them, traipsing through the hotel in nothing but bikinis and robes (probably in slow motion). The girls slip on their robes, envisioning a weekend full of pools, hot tubs, spa treatments, and relaxation. Ahhh, isn’t life grand in those big, fluffy robes?

b.     Reality: With everyone walking around in identical robes, it’s hard to find your date, and as your vision becomes foggier and foggier, you accidentally end up making out with one of your date’s fraternity brothers. The fine scotch is actually red solo cups full of the cheapest liquor anyone could find at Hazel’s, and those little bikinis make for a lot of wardrobe malfunctions that 50 or so people get to witness. Also, after a memorable weekend (which nobody can actually remember), somebody’s robe is bound to get lost, and you’ll be asked to fork over a small fortune for a robe that wasn’t really that soft anyways.

3.     The Relaxation And The Looks.

a.     Expectations: You get to escape school, teachers, and forget all about your midterm next week. Guys look forward to drinking brewskis with the bro-skis, and maybe even doing a few shot-skis. The girls can’t wait to swim in the pool and show off their tanned physique. The guys put their best foot forward, looking most dapper in their dress pants and collared shirts (bow-tie optional). The girls do their hair and makeup together, looking like they just stepped out of a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

b.     Reality: The guys do shot-ski after shot-ski while waiting for the girls to get ready. The alcohol takes over, and they eventually attempt to use the skis to actually ski. One brother ends up with a broken arm, and the shot-ski is totaled. The girls’ “tan” ends up coming off in the pool, and their hair and makeup that they spent hours on is ruined as the guys splash around in the pool. Also, you end up failing all of your midterms the week after formal.

Although frat formal isn’t always as perfect as you had hoped, it’s also not quite this bad (I hope). So pick your date wisely, don’t lose your robe, and have the time of your lives. Happy formal-ing everybody!