Forgiving Does Not Mean Forgetting.

Forgiving Does Not Mean Forgetting.

You are allowed to still be hurt, but you can be hurt and still forgive.
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Something as simple as this seems to be so complicated in our minds. What does forgiveness mean? Well apparently psychologists define it as a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve it or not. Our feelings, our emotions, our resentments and vengeance's are not easy concepts either. Our emotions and feelings come from the most vulnerable place of our whole being. Think about it. Our feelings and emotions depict how we express our face, our words, our voice….they decide how to be as a human being and as a person towards ourselves and towards others. Our feelings and emotions depict who we are, whether we like it or not….they are our personality and make up every inch of ourselves.
When people do something to hurt us, we are hurt: plain and simple. Starting at a young age we learn that when someone makes fun of you, when you fall down and bruise your knees, you are hurt physically and emotionally. Sometimes only physically, sometimes only emotionally. Why? That’s part of being human.
So then when is the time to hold on to the hurt and not forgive, and also the concept of getting up right away, forgiving and moving on? Well, I guess that’s all up to our own feelings. (Ha, there’s that damn word again.) It’s our past and our hurt that allows us to grow, to become stronger. Cheesy, right? But, insanely true.
My friend and roommate explained it to me by calling them “hurt rocks”. I know, may sound weird but let me explain. So, you have these rocks that have hurt you through out your life…and you still carry them. These rocks are constant, they are there to remind you that you were hurt but that doesn’t mean that you don’t move past them and live your life…because you do. Of course, you are going to remember what happened and why you were hurt but you move on. That doesn’t mean they are gone and everything is happy again, it just means that they are there.
Forgiving that person who hurt you, forgiving that situation that caused you pain does not mean that you forgot it happened nor will you ever. You are allowed to still be hurt, but you can be hurt and still forgive.
Of course, there are bigger situations where forgiveness is going to take a long time, even years and perhaps years of therapy too but maybe one day it will happen when you are old enough and have gone through it enough to realize it’s not healthy to hold on to something that makes you so angry, so upset, so in pain that you can’t live your life the way you would want.





Cover Image Credit: Olivia Dahlstrom

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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