Forgiving someone for what you thought was an unforgivable action can be one of the most difficult tasks. Did your boyfriend of three years cheat on you? Did a best friend lie to you? Did someone spread a horrific rumor about you? In the moment, you may think that this one painful experience was the breaking point for an important relationship in your life. My advice: let time and faith be on your side.
Forgiveness is a conscious choice we make, used to release the negativity within us. Forgiveness is also an art; we all take part in it and interpret it in different ways. Forgiveness requires willpower, trust and faith that your conscious efforts will defeat the pain inside of you.
Colossians 3:13 reads: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Now, I may not be the most spiritual person, but sometimes you must learn to put your trust in a higher power. A lot of people ask me why and how? Why forgive someone who once caused you so much pain? And how do you do it with such ease?
Why? I search for the good in everyone, I believe in second chances and I care about my happiness. As difficult as it may be, sometimes the only way to let go of an imprisoning situation is to set the prisoner free. Sulking in a pool of hatred will only affect the one swimming in it. Therefore, you must learn to set yourself free. You are not the problem. You did not do anything wrong. But you are the one who can take control over your mind and your heart.
How? Without expectations and with time. When we forgive, we must not do it with any expectation of getting something in return. The ultimate return is your own freedom. Remember that moment you found out someone completely betrayed you? How naïve you felt? Now remind yourself that the person on the other end has done a terrible thing for reasons you may never understand. Remember the fire that stirred inside of you for weeks, months, maybe even years? The fire that tore you apart? That fire has been burning for too long and it needs to be put out.
It is time for you to move forward and realize there is something out there waiting for you. As The Lumineers would say, “it’s better to feel pain than nothing at all.” All of that pain and those tears made you stronger, so that strength should be used to forgive and grow. Most people say “forgive and forget,” but you should never forget the experiences that made you who you are today. Rather, you should grow taller, wiser and stronger than before.
It is true that maintaining resentment and attempting to understand why people keep hurting you requires a great deal of energy. Refocus that energy to go for a run, knock out that 10 page paper you have been putting off, go out with friends or reconnect with family members. Use that energy to keep your head up, move on and unshackle that prisoner inside of you. Understand that you may never understand another person's motives. Let yourself be vulnerable and open yourself up to the possibility of a new, foreign source of happiness.
Keep time on your side and use as much of it as you need to heal. With patience, try mending things with that friend you cut off or the partner you broke up with out of pure anger. Try sending a friendly text or plan to meet and catch up. Try to ignore what outsiders have to say and do what is best for your happiness. Try smiling, because you deserve to. Try loving yourself enough to be happy and try to learn to love again because love, in any manifestation, is the greatest of all things.
