Retaliating against someone who hurt you deeply is such a natural instinct, yet how beautifully and wonderfully liberating is it to forgive and feel forgiven. So many times it seems difficult to dismiss your pride when you don't feel like you're the one at fault in a situation. How many times do you tell yourself that if they would only make the attempt and tell you how sorry they were, that you would insist on making things right. Sadly, you don't always get the apology you want, nor get the perfect made up scenario you conjured up in your head. It's tough. Someone took a piece of you. How difficult it is to even try to comprehend why you would forgive that person. Yet somewhere within you, you feel the need to make amends and keep a pure heart. Somewhere within you, you wish to extend the apology when you feel you did nothing. And somewhere within you, you feel this urge to make things right once and for all.
Recently, I had the opportunity to make amends with someone I used to care so deeply about. I'll admit, it was difficult for my pride, and I was extremely nervous, and thinking of it now brings goosebumps to my body. It might not have been a perfect encounter, but I'm so glad that it happened. I cant pretend we'll be the friends we were then. I'm not sure if my heart and mind can ever be taken back to that place where we were inseparable. I'm not sure what this friendship has in store. It's difficult to trust again after being let down so easily by someone whom you gave the world. But the first step is acceptance, and I've accepted forgiveness as the only outlet to recover such relationship.
Forgiveness can be so healing. I didn't realize it then, but I realize it now. Perhaps it was what I needed all along --to be able to forgive. Forgiving showed me so much about myself. I've discovered how ugly pride can make you, and how much freedom you gain by diminishing the importance of your once unresolved issue.
Forgiveness has reminded me how much love I have within me, and what kind of person I used to be. The person that would brush off those words, and make amends right away. Forgiveness has shown me how strong I can be mentally and emotionally. And how being on the other side of forgiveness has brought me to new appreciation of things I took for granted. I can only hope that I have learned and will continue to forgive throughout my lifetime with people who I've previously held grudges with and maintain a pure and clean heart. Because at the end of the day, you only hurt yourself when you don't forgive.
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior, forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart." -Unkown
