All those sleepless nights my arms clinging to my chest losing my breath in tears. All those days keeping my eyes down and staying quiet. All those hours spent at the therapist and in my bedroom at my laptop writing. Writing and asking myself how I'm suppose to face the world another day. All that time I spent questioning my existence and importance to this world. I forgive you.

All those terrible jokes and mean comments I made. All those lies and all the cheating I was drowning in. All those times I thought it was okay to treat people like they didn't matter. All the hours I spent looking in the mirror and the meals I skipped and for treating my body like it was some kind of toy. I forgive myself.

All of it. I give myself permission to let go. I'm giving up my power to hurt you because you hurt me. I realize that all the pain you caused me seems rational to you, seems justified. Though you may see it that way, I see it as you giving up your right to be angry with me. Just as if you hurt me first, and then I hurt you back.. how am I any better than you?

How is it acceptable to look at another human being and want to hurt them, want them to feel the pain you feel. If a rose pricks you with its thorns are you going to throw the rose away? Are you going to throw it on the ground and think it's disgusting because it hurt you? Forget its beauty and its innocence. It hurt you, so isn't it fair to hurt it back?

Maybe you want to live your life looking at people like they owe you something. But I don't. I want to love with all my heart, love people more than they love me. I want to smile and mean it and not be concerned about what people think about it. I want to let go of the pain that you have caused me, and give you the final act of love that may be targeted towards you.

Forgiveness.

For making my hard days harder, for making me think that I was more worthless than I originally thought. I'm not blaming you for my issues, but you do need to own up to your mistakes and look them in the face and realize this isn't how you treat people. People don't have to love you, they don't have to look for the best in you and defend you to those who question your character.The people that do that for you are the ones that care. Those people love you and would give their heart to you. And in that, they give you the power to hurt them.

It's your choice to realize that people struggle, its not personal.. It's not like they wanted to hurt you.. That when someones heart aches sometimes they're so lost and swing at anything in their path. So when it comes down to it, you can look at the person and see their worth. See their kindness and see them for the good person you've always known them as. Or you can chose to see them as the broken friend that lost their way.

Forgive me. Forgive me for asking you to be better than I was. I'm asking you to be better than me. And if you choose not to? I will choose for myself to replace that anger with understanding. I promise you now. In this moment that I will give you my love for all that it is. No matter what you have done or who you are. There should be a place in this world for people that are sorry, a safe place. Away from the people that think they're perfect, or the people that say it just cause it will fix things. People that recognize human imperfection are those who understand love and forgiveness.

For those people: don't lose it. Don't carry that anger with you. Let the comfort of the tomorrow be a place to rest your worries for now. Know that there is time to be angry and there is time to forgive. But one is much kinder to the heart, and will be lighter on the soul.

It's nice recognizing mistakes. It lets you realize that you're a work in progress, that each time you mess up. You look at it and grow from it, promising yourself you will pay better attention to your reactions and what you say. Be honest and be kind and respectful to all those who come your way. Hostility is for the heavy hearted.

I'm not saying this because I want you to feel bad for all the times you hurt people because they hurt you. I'm say this so next time you find someone that heart seems to fit just right with yours.. Don't expect them to be perfect and always make the right choices. As long as people acknowledge their mistakes and are sorry for them? What more do you want out of them? To take it back? Cause they can't, as much as they wish they could they can't.

Now don't let toxic people rule your life. Find a distance from them that will keep you safe from their harmful behavior. Find a place for the people that hurt you, you don't have to be friends with them. But acknowledge their presence in your life and the light they once brought into it. People are imperfect it's the way they are, their one redeeming quality is their ability to love.

Hold onto that.