Forgiveness Is Not Always The Answer

Forgiveness Is Not Always The Answer

Sometimes, you can't forgive the other party and that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person.

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A while back, when I was a (very) bitter individual, I used to have a friend that always preached forgiveness. Every time the subject of someone who wronged me in the past came up and I said I wanted to fight them, he'd always protest but you have to forgive them. You have to let go of your anger to heal and move forward.

I disagree with that.

Sometimes forgiveness isn't the answer. Sometimes, you can't forgive the other party and that's okay, it doesn't make you a bad person.

People say that forgiveness of the other party is a crucial part of healing and moving forward. But what if the damage done was too great? So bad that it would change you forever. Take for example, a sexual assault case. In victim's case, I personally don't think it the survivor is required to necessarily forgive their attacker. The attacker knew very well what they were doing. They knew that their actions were going to hurt the survivor in the worst way possible. For them to ask the survivor for forgiveness would be inappropriate as the damage done is too great and the attacker should have known better in general.

So what should we think of instead of forgiveness then, in all cases?

For me at least, I think the more important part is whether or not you can learn to move past the pain. That doesn't necessarily require forgiveness. For people who have been hurt, I believe healing is more about not letting the pain of the past defining who you are in the present. Maybe an apology from the other party is needed for that. Maybe it isn't. Sometimes, the anger you might have from the past is what you need to move forward. Maybe it inspires you not to let it define you. Not to let another person's action define who you are.

Either way, no one should define how you heal from the past. If it requires the other party apologizing to you, that's okay. If it requires you never seeing the other party ever again, that's okay too. You're not a bad person if you don't want to give the offending party another chance.

As for me, well, let's just say the former friend is reason I've got the thought of forgiveness in mind. He knows he screwed up with me, and he has acknowledged it. And while he has apologized (one too many times to be honest), the damage and trouble he's caused me, well, it's too much to forgive him. It's too much to let him back into my life.

But I know for a fact, I have moved forward and healed from his presence. I've let other people into my life in his place. And in doing so, I have healed.

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

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My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

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It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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